Each marriage experiences ups and downs. However, if you’re reading this, yours has likely had issues for some time. Perhaps you’re dealing with a high-stress scenario, such as a career switch, a newborn child, or caring for a parent.
Perhaps you disagree about money, your partner cheated on you, or your physical intimacy is almost non-existent.
A variety of situations have the potential to trigger a relationship into a downhill trajectory.
When a marriage begins to fail, one thing is certain: each partner starts to prioritize their individual needs over the needs of their relationship.
This can make navigating through challenging circumstances nearly impossible. Instead and of working together, it can feel as if you’re constantly talking over one another.
Is it time to contemplate getting a divorce? No, not always.
Even if you and your partner appear to have drifted off from each other, there are ways of working through your issues and restoring your relationship.
All you need to do is be willing to put in some effort. Here’s how to tell if your marriage will survive and what measures can help get you back on track.
Can Your Marriage be Mended?
Marriage is a serious investment, so determining if it’s time to end it can be difficult.
However, unless you are dealing with continuous marital infidelities or physical and emotional abuse, you should make a genuine effort to save the relationship before finally giving up. When times get rough, people tend to give up too soon.
Begin by taking an unbiased look at your relationship’s historical past.
Aside from the current state of affairs, has your marriage been going well in general? It’s natural to go through periods of ups and downs, so if you’ve recently hit a snag, it’s worthwhile to try to work through it.
It can also be necessary to consider how your divorce will impact people outside of your marriage, such as children, close relatives, and even close friends.
It is not only acceptable but also necessary to work on your marriage. Strong unions help strengthen communities and families.
Finally, consider whether this is simply a case of you being duped into believing that the ‘grass is greener on the other side.
Many people make the mistake of thinking that changing partners will make them feel good, but issues typically follow you if you don’t resolve them.
If you have a problem that is causing issues in your marital situation, such as lying about your expenditure or becoming overly jealous for no apparent reason, it will almost certainly come up in your new relationship as well.
How to save your marriage
Now is the time for you and your partner to put in the effort of figuring through your issues and reconnecting.
The first step is to decide that you want to save your marriage. Here are some suggestions to get you started.
Make the first move
Take action if you feel like things have gotten out of control and you want to resolve them.
It’s easy for troubled couples to get engrossed in the “you go first” game. However, if you sit tight on your spouse, you increase the chances that nothing will change.
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Take a good look at yourself
It can be very tempting to place all of the guilt and liability on your partner (She’s the one who spends all her time working). Folks, it takes two to tango.
Rather than solely focusing on your partner’s mistakes, it’s better, to be honest about how you may be exacerbating the problem as well. If you can offer suggestions for being better, it’s easier to ask your partner to do the same.
Talk less and listen more
Of course, everyone’s feelings and thoughts are critical. However, if you spend all your time focusing on yourself, you will never see things from your spouse’s perspective.
When your partner talks, don’t think about what you should say next. Instead, try to listen. Only respond once you’ve understood what your partner is trying to say from their point of view.
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Check your tone
When you’re condescending to your partner, name-call them or talk to them in a mean way, you automatically make your partner defensive, and they will shut you off.
Even if you’re mad, it would be best to be respectful.
Being respectful shows your partner that you care about the relationship and them to be in control of your words.
Stop the negative self-talk
Even if you look calm from the outside, it’s easy to bash your spouse internally.
When you constantly think negative thoughts, you feel and behave negatively.
You and your partner have a better chance at changing your circumstances when you see each other as equals.
Show kindness—even when you don’t feel like it
Showing the little gestures is highly essential if you and your partner are at the breaking point.
Make an effort to treat your partner well. Buy her her favorite scent, or thank them when they make dinner.
Once you start showing your partner you care, their behavior will change too.
Seek neutral feedback
Are you and your partner at a point where it seems you can’t agree on anything anymore?
Stay away from seeking advice from your friends, and most especially, your family.
Both these parties cannot resist being biased.
It would be best if you seek professional help from someone who can be objective about the issues you’re facing, such as a marriage counselor.
If you and your partner have had so much from each other that you’re considering divorce, chances are; the problem won’t go away too soon.
It takes time, effort, and patience to break damaging communication patterns or habits, even if you’re both trying as hard as you can.
Don’t look for a quick fix because they seldom work.
Commit time, a year or two, to solve your issues. It might take time, but it’s worth it in the end.
Educate yourself about relationships
The thing about relationships and marriage is that there are no formal schools to teach us how they work and what we are supposed to do in them.
We learn about human interactions by first observing our parents or caregivers so if we did not have a good basis to start from we are likely to dysfunctional dynamics in our own lives.
Luckily, there is an abundance of courses today that covers pretty much everything you need to know about love and relationships.
Our parents did not have the same chance we have today to be a few clicks away from a vast library of knowledge.
Here is a relationship self-help guide that I personally recommend that will take you deep into men’s psychology and what they want and need from a relationship.
Don’t forget to grab your FREE “Attraction triggers in a man” guide.
Thanks for reading this post,