The #1 thing that separates high-value women from the rest of women is emotional mastery.
So many women were programmed in such a way not realizing that their success in their romantic life will come down to how well they handle their emotions.
In this post, we are going to expose the 6 emotional skills that I identified as the key skills a woman must possess in order to achieve emotional mastery and be a high-value woman.
This is a particularly important post if you are a woman who experiences things like incontrollable impulses, mood swings, a lot of negative emotions such as fear, anxiety, anger, jealousy or hatred, or if you have a tendency if being volatile, and are easily affected by other people’s opinion of you, or if your wellbeing depends a lot on other people’s behavior towards you….etc.
1. The first skill you need to develop in order to have emotional mastery is self-awareness, and this is really the mother of all the others skills, because you cannot control what you are not aware of.
There is a great video by Eckhart Tolle on the subject of becoming more aware of the mental-emotional conditioning of the mind, in which he explains that unconscious people interpret situations through the veil of their mental-emotional conditioning and that their lack of awareness of this conditioning makes them unable to differentiate between what is and their own interpretation of it.
Only when they become more aware of their emotional and mental conditioning, they are able to see things for what they really are because they are then able to separate their own perception of things, which is very much colored by their conditioning and the unbiased reality of things and therefore they are able to have a more realistic assessment of any given situation.
By simply being more aware of your conditioning, your actions no longer have to be dictated by your emotional or mental state but rather can be based on an unfiltered and more accurate perception of reality.
In other words, through developing awareness, you will be able to control your actions despite your emotional state.
Now, there are many ways you can work on your self-awareness but what I found to be very useful in my own experience is self-reflection and the practice of silence.
Practicing silence allows space for you to hear the whisper of your emotions, and the more silence you practice, the loader your emotions become and the more aware you become of them.
You can make a weekly or even a daily practice of sitting in a quiet room by yourself for something like 30 min and allowing yourself to notice what is happening inside of you. Day after day, you will start noticing how you feel, and you may even feel some emotions for things that happened a very long time ago.
Self-reflection is the other practice that I found to be very useful for self-awareness.
Again, I would sit down in a quiet room or I would go to a coffee shop alone and I would reflect back on past events, especially those that caused me a lot of pain, triggered me, or made me lose control and induced a lot of intense emotions in me. Often I take notes of how I feel as I am reflecting and I also reverse engineer what exactly caused me to feel the way I did.
Then I go back to my notes every now and then and reflect on them.
If there are other practices that you found useful for self-awareness, please share them with the community in the comment section below.
2. A high-value woman embraces all her emotions.
In other words, there are no right or wrong emotions for a high-value woman.
All emotions, good or bad, are accepted because a high-value woman knows that all emotions have a valid reason to be and that every emotion is to be listened to because it is trying to tell her something about what is going on inside of her.
For that reason, Instead of being judgmental or dismissive of her emotions, a high-value woman is curious about her emotions.
If she feels negative emotions such as hatred, jealousy, insecurity…etc. she does not suppress them, she does not dismiss them, she does not ignore them,
she let them be and she asks herself “why am I feeling this”? what is it about me or about the situation that induced that particular emotion?
You must embrace all your emotions and use them to learn deeply about yourself if you want to become a high-value woman.
3. High value women don’t act on their emotions.
Now, accepting your emotions does not mean deciding what to do based on how you feel and letting your emotions run the show.
If you look back at some of the mistakes and wrong decisions you made that led to negative consequences in your life, you will find that a lot of them were mainly driven by an intense emotional state you were in at that time, that overtook your mind and your rational thinking, and prevented you from assessing your options properly.
Using your emotions as the main input to your decisions can lead to being impulsive, to jumping into situations that are not good for you, or avoiding trying new things that could benefit you out of fear of the unknown for example.
So it is very important to be aware of the fact that emotions are to be felt, not to be acted on because they often lead to misperception and subsequently to inadequate actions.
Emotions are very useful for self-development purposes; they tell you important things about you, about your values, about your past traumas, about your programming, and that kind of insight can then be used to work on yourself and improve yourself.
But when it comes to making decisions, a high-value woman always uses logic and intuition, which is different from emotions.
4. High value women have empathy
Empathy is a very important emotional skill to develop for a high-value woman because it’s the ability to see the world through other people’s eyes, from their perspective, which helps understand other people, and helps connect with one another, showing compassion, making good social choices, and ultimately developing lasting relationships.
It is an emotional skill because it’s only when you are able to feel how the other person really feels that you can understand their perspective and respond to them adequately.
It is also very useful when it comes to uncovering a person’s true feelings and intentions and identifying those who have harmful intentions.
For example, through her empathy, a high-value woman is able to spot liars, players, and manipulators, no matter how hard they try to hide their bad intentions because it is almost instinctive to her to ask herself
“how is this man feeling right now?”
“Are his actions in line with how I think he feels?”
“Are his words compatible with his body language or with other factual things?”
So a high-value woman is naturally empathetic, but she uses her empathy in a very conscious way and does not let it be used against her.
5. They are self-reliant; particularly in the emotional department.
In other words, high-value women are fully in charge of their lives in general and their emotional well-being in particular.
Self-reliance is a much bigger concept that goes beyond emotional mastery but there is a huge emotional component to it, and the reason for that is because developing self-reliance is a road traveled alone, which triggers a range of negative emotions such as fear, anxiety, and pain,
so becoming self-reliant means you have to first face those negative emotions and overcome them.
Self-reliance also means you do not rely on external sources to feel good about yourself or to alter a negative emotional state, you do not rely on a partner to make you happy, you do not expect your friends to make you feel better, you don’t even depend on material things such as new clothes, or new shoes or a new bag to make you happy.
A high-value woman taps into her inner resources in order to alter her emotional state. She also recognizes when she gets dependent on others for her well-being and she works on diminishing that dependency.
Self-reliance means you make your own decisions, you may seek other people’s opinions and input but the final decision is always yours, sometimes you don’t even tell other people about your dilemmas which means you have to entirely rely on yourself, your judgment, and your inner compass to make the right decisions.
Self-reliance means you are thinking independently. A high-value woman relies on her own reasoning and intuition to assess situations or develop her own opinions and ideas.
The ability to think autonomously goes hand in hand with trusting your internal guide. A lot of people tend to ‘hide behind’ what they’ve learned from society or other people within society, and that is symptomatic to their lack of confidence in their own intuition and rational capabilities.
High-value women are self-reliant in that if they believe in something, and consider that it holds merit after thinking it through, it becomes their truth and they voice it with confidence.
And finally, self-reliance also means you assume responsibility for everything in your life, even for things that are not your “fault”
Most people when particularly uncomfortable with something tend to find other people or circumstances to blame, but high-value women are not looking to point fingers at anyone or anything or at least they are not stuck there.
For example, it may not be your fault for having been brought up in a toxic family and the psychological damage it may have caused you, but it’s your responsibility to change the damage it caused you because it is yours, and if you don’t take that responsibility, no one will.
In the context of relationships, most people are quick to blame their partners for many things that go wrong in their life. but even when the wrongdoing of a partner is undeniable, for example, if a partner is cheating, a high-value woman has the mindset of taking full responsibility for picking that person in the first place.
Of course, this does not excuse any wrongdoings but it allows the high-value woman to never lose her power to anyone else.
6. They don’t take life too seriously.
And I know how hard to achieve this one is because society has designed life in such a way that everything is to be taken very seriously, getting an education is a serious matter,
making money and finding a life partner are serious matters,
getting married having children is a serious matter, but the truth of the matter is that at the end of it all, is death and this should be a reminder to not take all that seriously beyond what is reasonable and to enjoy every step of the way with a little sense of lightweightness.
This used to be one of my biggest weaknesses, taking things too seriously.
Now I learned to be selectively serious, serious in my actions and my intentions but to not take it too seriously so that I always have a high degree of emotional detachment from outcomes.
High-value women take few things to heart, and this attitude towards life allows them to have high degrees of emotional detachment and allows them to move in life with a lot of grace.
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Thanks for reading this post,