It can be devastating when a person does not get closure in a one-sided breakup, especially if the relationship seemed safe and secure and the breakup was sudden and unexpected.
It is only natural (and very human) for a person to seek answers to all the questions that may arise…questions like “Why did he leave me?”, “What did I do to deserve it?”, “Was there anything I could have done differently?”, “Is there something I can do now? “, “How did someone I thought I knew do this to me?”
When the answers are not given to these questions, it can really feel like a trap and stop you from moving on with you life.
I experienced that feeling and I can tell you that it is one of the most horrible feelings ever…
The thing with no closure is that you feel powerless, you don’t know if you should start your grief or hold on to the slightest chance of him coming back.
And this is exactly how I felt…completely trapped
So I made a promise to myself, to never ever feel powerless because of a breakup, and I will share with you exactly how I know for sure that I will never need closure from anyone.
I hope that by reading this blog post, you will never feel trapped again because I will explain exactly what no closure from a man really means…
You may go through breakups again, and you will feel sad, but you will never feel trapped and powerless…
Why men do not give closure after a breakup?
I know from experience that there are mainly three reasons why men do not give closure… and all those reasons point out to the same conclusion: They no longer want you.
- They Lack courage
You will be surprised how little courage men have to tell the truth, especially when It can reveal something about them.
If a man does not give you closure, he simply does not want you, but does not have the courage to tell you because then you might start rightfully questioning if he ever really wanted you…If he meant it when he said he loved you…
Reality is that he is ashamed of himself because he knows he has not been honest with you, if not all the time, at least some part of it….
So instead of facing you and give you the explanation you deserve, he avoids the whole thing altogether and disappears…
It could be because he met someone new and has been entertaining a relationship with her while still in a relationship with you…
or simply because he never really loved you and never meant to build a long term relationship with you, so when the time was right for him to move on, he decided to leave.
- They do not want to hurt your feelings
Your man could very well have the courage to tell you the truth…but because he appreciates you as a person, he does not want to hurt your feelings by telling you the blunt truth, so he comes with something along the lines of “ It is not you, it is me, you are a great person, I don’t think I deserve you, I think you deserve someone better, I want to leave you so that someone else can make you truly happy”… big nonsense.
It is rare than someone makes a decision solely based on someone else’s best interest, he is just not telling you the primary reason why he is leaving which is not wanting you.
- They want to keep you hooked
That is the worst of all, not only he wants to leave you, but it actually makes him feel good to keep you hooked and not letting you move on with your life.
Maybe he is doing it out of revenge of something you did to him in the past or he simply has an ego based disorder (Narcissists disorders for example) so he wants you to be miserable because your misery feeds his ego.
Maybe he wants to keep you as an option because he is insecure himself and does not know if he will be able to find someone better than you…so you are a sort of insurance for the worst case scenario.
In any case, the last thing you want to do is to give him what he wants…once you know which game he is playing on you…you should do the exact opposite of what he expects and just cut him off completely.
Why do you want closure?
Well I do not blame you, It is in our nature as humans to want to feel a sense of resolution in every situation so that we can have peace of mind.
We think that by understanding why a man left us, we will get that sense of resolution.
It is actually true but incomplete, because what we really want to know is if the reason he left us is our unworthiness…
If we are left with no closure…it is like we are left with no answer to “Am I worthy, am I lovable, is there anyone who will love me?”
Two reasons why this is happening…you have a lack of self-esteem and you have a scarcity mentality.
- Self esteem
People with strong self-esteem do not need to hear any reasons when someone leaves them behind…The very fact that they were left behind is already enough for them to move on.
They do not measure how lovable or worthy they are by who wants to be in their life…
People come and go in their life, but their worth remains the same…
You are worthy of love even if someone walks away from you…if anything, he is the one not worthy of your love…
- Scarcity mentality
Scarcity mentality is another thing you may have…you may believe you cannot do better than him, that he was the only one who can love you, so you will not experience true love after him…
These silly thoughts ( but very real when you have them) create a lot of fear and anxiety for you and result in you wanting to hold on to him in the hope of changing his mind…and in most cases you will not change his mind but will waste a lot of your energy trying to for absolutely nothing.
You should never ever chase a man, especially if he left you with no closure. Check out my blog post on why chasing a man is a very bad idea.
When you have a scarcity mentality, you see him as irreplaceable, which gets to amplify his good traits in your mind…and the further away he is from you, the more your perception of him is distorted……
You may even become obsessed with him, you follow him on social media, check every single picture he posts to see if he has new female friends…we all did it…
I am not sure if you will believe me if I tell you this, but a woman can ALWAYS do better… if she becomes better…
The best revenge is massive success – Frank Sinatra
For your to develop an abundant mindset and believe you can attract someone better, you need to shift your attention from your ex and how great he was, to yourself and what you need to do to upgrade everything about you…and watch the kind of men that you will able to attract.
Here is a good read about the abundance mindset “Abundance Now: Amplify Your Life & Achieve Prosperity Today” by Lisa Nichols who has been a great inspiration of mine.
Why you do not need closure after a breakup
“Closure comes from within you”
You may have heard that before, from friends and family who really mean to help you and want to give you the best advice they can…
Even if you may think if it cliche to say that but it actually became cliche because it is true that closure comes from within.
So, what does it really mean?
It means that when you are refused closure or you are given some vague explanation…this is your closure.
The closure is your own deductions of what his behavior really means.
As I said earlier, no closure is often due to 3 main reasons, and those 3 reasons point out to the same conclusion, that he does not want you…
And when someone does not want you, you should not want them in return, period.
There is no need to have any further explanations…The fact alone that he does not want you is enough for you to move on…
Why you should not try to change their mind
I cannot stress enough why changing someone’s mind is really a bad idea…
When a man walks away, trust me his heart is gone, and the best thing to do is to give him what he wants and let go…
Even if you manage to keep him around because you have some strong power of persuasion…it will not last long.
Look forward to your bright future, this is your chance to start again and design an even better life.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post.
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