Should you chase a man?
The short answer is No. You should never ever do that under any circumstances.
and because I did it in the past, I know from experience that it is a big mistake and it almost guarantees that your man will lose even the slightest interest he may have had in you…
In this blog post I am going to explain exactly why it is never a good idea to chase a man, and show you how you can develop the opposite mindset of not chasing anyone again.
Before we get to that, let’s first talk about what makes a woman chase a man in the first place.
In the (not so rare) instances when I chased a guy, it was always because of my insecurities, I would feel that he is pulling away ( not doing enough texting and calling or not initiating dates) and I would immediately enter a state of extreme anxiety and I would start chasing him. Ironically, the more chasing I would do the further away he would go until I would eventually get the message and move on.
What I did not realize at the time is that in 90 % of the cases, the guy has already lost interest or never had one in the first place…the remaining 10 % the guy is just a bit slow and going at his own pace.
When a woman is insecure, she is too impatient to let things happen at their natural course of action and that is what causes her to do something so opposed to her intrinsic nature of being chased.
When men chase, it comes from a place of power and manhood. That’s is what they are built to do at a biological level…
When women chase…it comes from a place of desperation and lack of self-worth, which can only result in pushing a quality man away or attracting the one who sees her as an opportunity to take advantage of.
In a future blog post, I am going to address the issue of women’s insecurities and what is causing them in today’s society.
Now let’s discuss in more details why a woman should never ever chase a man
Because if you have to do some chasing, it means he does not like you
When you feel the need to do some chasing to keep the relationship going, it is just an obvious sign that he is not that interested in you and does not really want you.
That is because men will always chase you if they are truly interested in you, not for the sake of chasing (although they also derive a pleasure from it), but because of the possibility to win and be rewarded when they get you.
Not only that…They will also chase you because of the fear of losing you. (That’s just how nature is made).
You become his focus and he will not take a chance to let you slip from his grasp.
Now when a man does not initiate conversations, nor does he try to plan dates with you, when he does not show signs of anxiety of losing you, or a certain urge to see you and be around you and so on, he is just not truly interested in you.
No matter how cliche this sounds, when a man likes you, he chases you, period.
(Cliches are cliches precisely because there is always truth to them)
If he does not chase you immediately, because he does not want to look too interested (which is really a feminine thing if you ask me…but some men have become feminine…what can you do), give him some time, and when he will see that you are not initiating texting or calling him, I guarantee you that he will start seriously worrying that you might have forgotten about him altogether…
Often, time is your biggest ally, if you learn how to be patient and stand still.
He will subconsciously perceived as low value
One of the traits that a woman must possess to be high value is the fact that she does not chase anyone.
Check out my blog post on the 8 traits that will make you a high value woman
So if you do any form of chasing, you will immediately lower your perceived value…and trust me when it comes to relationships, your true value only matters to you…what really matters to men is your perceived value.
Why does your value go down when you chase?
It is very simple, if you were this confident woman that everyone wants, you would not have time to actually think of pursing anyone,
…you would have so many solicitations for dates, drinks, dinners and there will be so many men who would be actively trying to get your attention…
Now when you chase someone, it sends a clear signal that none of this is happening in your life…in fact it says that you get attention so rarely that as soon as you get some, you hold on to it very tightly…
Again, what is important is your perceived value…so even when you don’t have that many options, you still need to act as if you did.
Personally, having seen the damage that chasing a man did to my self-esteem…I would rather be alone than chasing anyone in my life…
You are no longer a challenge
Men like a challenge ( I did not make men…It is not me)
When you chase a man, you are simply revealing to him that you actually like him so much that you are willing to swallow your pride and chase him…so there is nothing left there to keep him wondering about your true feelings and to make him work for you.
He no longer feels challenged and loses interest in you.
Men like challengers so that they can overcome them and prove to themselves and the world that they are strong men.
You will look desperate
As I said before, when a woman chases a man, she does it from a place of desperation and lack of self worth.
You will never see a woman chasing someone because she likes to compete with other women and derives any enjoyment from it, as would men do.
A woman is chasing because she is anxious and worried that she might never meet a man like him…that is the truth, and men sense these things miles away…
By chasing, a woman gives off desperate vibes and most men will be repulsed by it.
What you should do instead
I know that it is easier for me behind the screen to say that you should never chase a man, especially when you have strong feelings for him and low confidence in yourself and your worth.
But here are some tips that will help you not to fall into the trap of chasing a man again:
Have a hard rule in your life
First and foremost, you should have a hard rule in your life that you do not chase men.
Now, I know that we are humans and we easily break our own imposed rules…but with practice and discipline, we get there.
Each time you feel you want to initiate a text message or a call, remind yourself of the rule.
You may break it once or twice, but after you see the damage it causes you, you will stick to the rule in the future.
Sit back and relax
Learn how to take it easy and be relaxed in the process of dating someone.
Where is the anxiety coming from? Why do you need to hear from him every day? What’s the rush?
If he wants you as much as you want him, he will be looking to see you as often…you will be in his mind constantly…so just give him time to show you how much he cares for you too…and if after giving him enough time and space to do so, he still does not show anything…he is just not into you and you need to move on.
Develop a high intention low attachment mindset
One of the things that is causing you to chase a man even when you know you should not be doing it is the fact that you are too attached to outcome of that relationship.
When you meet someone that you really like, you can’t help yourself but thinking deep down “I want this to work, this is the perfect guy for me, I really hope he likes me…OMG what if he does not like me, I am going to be miserable if he does not” almost as if there will be no other guy who can make you happy.
…and this is the problem.
It is okay to have the desire for it to work,
In fact you should have the desire for the relationship to work “high intention” but not be anxious about it and already feeling miserable if it does not “ too much attachment to the outcome”…
What is meant to work will work, and what is not meant to work is just freeing space for another person to come along.
High intention low attachment means that you are 100 % into the interaction and you are giving it your best self because you really like the guy but you are okay if he does not like you back, so that when he does not call you back, you are fine with it and just move on.
I learned this principle from the book “The Success Principles” by Jack Canfield. The book is not about relationships but its principles can be applied in any situation in life.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post.
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