Wondering if you should be chasing a man?
The short answer is that chasing a man is NEVER a good idea, and so I would say that you should never chase a man under any circumstances.
In a nutshell, chasing a man will result in him losing even the slightest interest and attraction he may have had for you, and often times it means he does not want you.
In this post, we will dig deeper on that, and I will give you strong reasons why you should never chase a man, what you should do instead, and how you can develop the mindset of not chasing anyone ever.
Let’s first talk about what makes a woman chase a man.
What makes a woman feel the need to chase a man?
In my twenties, I wasted a lot of time and energy chasing men who were not that into me.
At that time, I did not know there were not into me. I was just chasing them because I thought it was okay for me to show interest and meet them halfway.
More realistically, when I chased a man, it was always because of my insecurities.
I would sense that a man is pulling away ( not doing enough texting and calling or taking forever to respond) and It would immediately trigger my anxiety and I would start chasing him.
Ironically, the more chasing I would do, the further away I would push him until I would eventually get it and move on, not without pain.
What I did not realize back then was that in 90 % of cases, the man was in the process of losing interest and what I did only made it worse.
He started to see me as needy and desperate and it did not inspire him to want to be with me.
For the remaining 10 %, the man might have been a bit shy, a bit slow, going at his own pace and did not do much chasing ( but this is quite rare).
So here is the first lesson I learned when reflecting back on my behavior:
When a woman is insecure, she is too afraid to lose a man and too impatient to let things happen at their natural pace and that is what causes her to do something so opposite to her natural intrinsic, that is to chase a man instead of being courted and chased.
When a man chases, it comes from a place of power and manhood.
That’s is what they are built to do biologically.
When a woman chases, it comes from a place of desperation and neediness, which can only result in pushing a quality man away or attracting ones who see her as an opportunity to take advantage of.
A woman will chase a man thinking that if she does not, he will slip away from her, but what happens, in reality, is that he does slip away from her precisely because she has responded by chasing him.
Now let’s discuss in more detail why a woman should never ever chase a man.
1. Because if you have to do some chasing, it means he does not like you enough
When you feel the need to do some chasing to keep the relationship going, it is an obvious sign that he is not that interested in you and does not really want you.
That is because men will always chase you if they have no doubts about how they feel about you and they are truly into you.
They won’t chase just for the sake of chasing (although they also derive some pleasure from it), but because of the possibility to win and feel victorious and get rewarded when they get you.
Not only that…
They will also chase you because of the fear of losing you. (That’s just how nature is).
When a man truly likes you, you become his focus and he will not take a chance to let you go.
So if he never takes the initiative of starting conversations, nor does he try to plan dates with you,
when he does not show signs of anxiety of losing you, or an urge to see you and be around you, he is just not truly interested in you.
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No matter how cliche this sounds, when a man likes you, he chases you (Cliches are cliches precisely because there is always truth to them).
If he does not chase you right away, maybe because he does not want to look too interested, just give him time, and when he sees that you are not initiating texting or calling him, I guarantee you he will start seriously worrying that you might have met another guy, or that you are exploring other ( and maybe better) options, or that you have forgotten about him altogether.
If you want to learn a more advanced way of inspiring him to be more into you and chase you. check out this video:
2. He will subconsciously perceive you as low value
A high value woman does not chase a man, because she truly believes that if he ain’t the one, many more will want to be with her.
So if you do any form of chasing, you will immediately lower your perceived value, and trust me when it comes to relationships, your true value only matters to you.
What really matters to men is your perceived value.
Why does your value go down when you chase?
It is very simple, if you were this confident woman that everyone wants, you would not have time to actually think of pursuing a man.
You would have so many solicitations for dates, drinks, dinners and there will be so many men who would be actively trying to get your attention.
So if you chase a man, you send a rather clear signal that none of this is happening in your life.
In fact, it says that you get attention so rarely that as soon as you get some, you hold on to it very tightly.
Again, what is important is your perceived value, so even when you don’t have that many options, you still need to act as if you did.
Personally, having seen the damage that chasing a man did to my self-esteem. I would rather be alone than chasing a man again.
Instead of chasing him, learn how to stay high value by keeping your distance and increasing your perceived value.
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3. You are no longer a challenge
Men like a challenge (that is how it is).
When you chase a man, you are simply revealing to him that you actually like him so much that you are willing to swallow your pride and chase him.
So there is nothing left there to keep him wondering about your true feelings and to make him work for you.
He can predict most of your moves and knows that you want to be with him.
He no longer feels challenged and loses interest in you.
Men like challenges and most importantly, they dislike easy wins.
4. You will look desperate
As I said before, when a woman chases a man, she does it from a place of desperation and lack of self-worth.
You will never see a woman chasing someone because she likes to compete with other women and derives any enjoyment from it, as would men do.
A woman is chasing because she is anxious and worried that she might never meet a man like him. That is the truth, and men sense these things from miles away.
By chasing, a woman gives off desperate vibes and most men will be repelled by it.
5. It will mess up with your self-esteem
Chasing a man always had a negative impact on my self esteem.
I cannot recall any time when chasing resulted in more attraction and chemistry and made him want to be with me.
I eventually started seeing myself as less valuable because he did not “validate me”.
With time, I realized that chasing a man is not worth the impact it has on self-esteem.
6. He might be manipulating you to chase you
Getting a woman to chase has become a piece of very popular dating advice among dating coaches for me,
Many of these coaches would encourage their clients to pull away and take their distance precisely to get a woman to chase them so that they can get the upper hand.
It’s a power game and it does work on a lot of women which explains why it’s still a popular dating advice.
Even when the idea does not come from the client and he does not have full confidence in doing this, he follows his trusted dating coach because he perceives him or her as an authority in their domain.
So if you have a strong urge and desire to chase a man because he suddenly pulled away, think about this possibility that it might be a tactic or a manipulation to get you to lose your power and always feel like he is always close to disappearing.
That’s not a good position to be in and that’s not a good man to build a relationship with.
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What you should do instead…
I know that it is easier for me behind the screen to say that you should never chase a man, especially when you have strong feelings for him or you are struggling with low confidence in yourself.
But here are some tips that will help you avoid chasing a man again:
Have a hard rule in your life
First and foremost, you should have a hard rule in your life that you do not chase men.
Now, I know that we are humans and we easily break our own imposed rules, but with practice and discipline, we get there.
Each time you feel you want to start chasing him, remind yourself of the rule.
Make the rule part of your identity “I do not chase a man“, and even daily affirmations if you feel the urge to call or text him.
You may break it once or twice, but after you see the damage it causes you, you will stick to the rule in the future.
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Sit back and relax
Learn how to take it easy and be relaxed in the process of dating someone.
Where is the anxiety coming from? Why do you need to hear from him every day? What’s the rush?
If he wants you as much as you want him, he will be looking to see you as often.
you will be in his mind constantly. So just give him time to show you how much he cares for you too, and if after giving him enough time and space to do so, he still does not show anything…he is just not into you and you need to move on.
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Develop a high intention low attachment mindset
One of the things that is causing you to chase a man even when you know you should not be doing it is the fact that you are too attached to the outcome of that relationship.
When you meet someone that you really like, you can’t help but think deep down “I want this to work, this is the perfect guy for me, I really hope he likes me” or ask yourself “What if he does not like me?” almost as if there will soon be no man on planet earth.
And this is the problem.
It is okay to have the intention for the relationship to work, in fact, you should have the desire for the relationship to work and have “high intention” but not be anxious about it and already feeling miserable if it does not.
In other words, you should have little “attachment to the outcome”, or even complete detachment.
What is meant to work will work, and what is not meant to happen is just freeing space for another person to come along.
High intention low attachment means that you are 100 % into the interaction and you are giving it your best self because you really like the guy but you are okay if he does not like you back so that when he does not call you back, you are fine with it and just move on.
Develop an abundance mindset
Become the kind of woman who always sees the glass half empty, she always sees it half full.
Believes there are enough men out there for you not to be panicking if it does not work out with one of them.
Believe in your ability to always attract good people into your life so you really don’t need to retain those who want to leave you.
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Also, grab your FREE “Attraction triggers in a man” guide.
Thanks for reading this post,