So you have been seeing this guy and he seems to like you but you are not quite sure what is going on with him. He does not seem to want to make you his girlfriend and you feel stuck in this confusing “situationship”.
He is okay seeing you, talking and texting you, spending time with you, but he does not want to take it to the next level.
If this is how you would describe your relationship with this guy, then you might be the very confusing scenario of a guy liking you but not wanting to date you.
Is that even possible?
Very much so for guys.
It might be hard to understand for us women because when we like someone romantically, we are usually head over heels for him but guys don’t work that way.
Just because a guy wants to hang around with you does not mean he wants to be with you.
I know this first hand because it happened to me.
A guy can very much like 50% of you and still wants to get to know you and spend time with you, but he does not like you enough to make you a girlfriend.
Guys like to put us in categories, and they all have the category of “she is okay, I kind of like her”.
as you may have guessed, it’s not a category you want to be in if you really like the guy.
First, It is hard to spot that you are being categorized that way as guys can still display affection and attention when he is with you, just like anyone who really likes you and you can find yourself very much invested emotionally and mentally when you find out he was not that interested in dating you and in a possible future with you.
How can you tell?
Well, although it can be hard to spot someone like that if he is covering you with kisses and nice text messages, there are still signs that can tell if he intents to date you or if he is just using you to pass his time.
1.If he hasn’t asked you to be his girlfriend after 2-3 months, a guy who really likes you will usually make you his girlfriend quickly because he would be the one afraid that you might be seeing someone else that you like more…so when a guy takes that long (2-3 months), it is a sign that he does not really like you enough to make you a girlfriend.
2. His words don’t match his actions, he might be telling you all sorts of beautiful things, projecting himself into the future with you and building up expectations for you but if he does not follow up with concrete actions, he is probably just talking. Concrete actions would be like going on vacation with you, introducing you to his friends/family, taking you on real dates, trying to really impress you.
3. If he gives you too many “maybes”, “I will let you know”, or “we will see how things go”…he is probably not into you enough to date you.
4. If he disappears when you need him. A guy who does not want to invest in you will suddenly be unavailable if you need him for anything. That is because he never planned to invest in you more than what It takes to have your company, which is probably surface level investments like calling texting and keeping it very casual. He does not care about you enough to help you if you need anything or if you are in trouble.
5. He gives you too many booty calls, 1 booty call is already one too many if you ask me, but you could tell that you are a booty call when somebody asks to meet you after midnight or always asking you to come over to his place and doesn’t seem keen to take you on dates and to court you and be seeing with you.
6. If he bluntly tells you he is not interested in dating you, just believe him, he is not doing mind games or any reverse psychology on you, he does not have any hidden agenda, he is not shy, he is simply telling you the truth and he is probably not going to change his mind.
What to do now?
1. Don’t wait around to see if he changes his mind
This is not what society will tell you, they will tell you that it is okay to be casual, to wait and see, and to have a friend with benefits, but trust me it is not okay if you are looking for a boyfriend.
Very rarely these situations turn into a relationship. If it is not a hell yes, it is a hell no.
Even if he decides to date you after a period like that, it probably means he just got used to you and thought “whatever…lets do it” but you weren’t really a crush or someone he really liked from the beginning. You are probably his second best, or third best, and he might leave you the moment he meets his real crush.
2. Call him on this
Tell him that you feel you are not a priority in his life, that he is not making enough efforts, that you think you deserve better and then ask him to clarify his position and give him the opportunity to do so.
3. Move on If you get ghosted after calling him on it.
Getting ghosted is the ultimate sign of very low or nonexistent level of interest of this guy.
4. You can keep seeing him but let him know that you are also seeing other people.
If he does not react to you seeing other people, then just move on.
5. Never lie to him saying that you too are not looking to date if it is not true.
He will take it at face value and will throw it back at you when you tell ask him for more commitment.
6. Do some work on yourself
If this keeps happening in your life, it may indicate that you don’t know how to approach dating and relationships the right way, and don’t worry about it…I have been there myself because I lacked guidance and knowledge on how to approach relationships. A great program that will teach you how you can be the perfect girlfriend and thrive in your love life by understanding what men really want and need. Check it out here.
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