When you have been in an exclusive relationship with a guy for quite sometime, you are probably expecting him to propose to you at some point.
But here you are, waiting around while he is taking forever to pop the question.
Some women are happy to keep the status quo because they are themselves under no pressure to get married ( maybe they don’t believe in marriage themselves or they feel they are not yet ready to take the plunge for whatever reason).
That being said, the majority of girls that I know are not in this category of girls meaning they are usually in a long relationship with the intent of getting married and so a proposal is very much expected.
If he hasn’t proposed yet after years of being in a relationship, you need to sit down and consider a couple of things before taking any action:
1. Have you brought up marriage before?
A lot of women assume that men also think that being in a long term relationship implies getting married.
That is not true at all, men can spend years in one relationship with no intentions of getting married and they are very comfortable doing it. You have to remember that men are less emotional than women in general and that they are biologically wired to spread their seeds, meaning their very nature makes it easy to “invest” years with a woman just to move on to the next one without irreparable emotional damage.
What does it mean for you? Well if you don’t bring up the marriage topic with him and mention that you want to get married, he might assume that you are enjoying the relationship as it is and never propose to you. At least you will know where he stands depending on his reaction.
2. Is he the type of guy who is against marriage?
Some guys are simply against the idea of getting married because they do not see any point in doing it or because they saw their parents or other family members go through a nasty divorce, or they went through one themselves. There could various reasons why a man is not comfortable with the idea of marriage and you need to know if it is the case with your man sooner rather than later. Because if it is important for you to get married, you might be on a deal breaker here.
3. Is he even ready to get married?
Only because you feel you are ready for marriage does not mean he does.
There is nothing wrong with you if you feel that way because we women are built that way:
You probably heard that women usually mature faster than men (maybe because we need to have some maturity to take care of a child) and we also have our biological clock that is a powerful force driving us into marriage.
But because men have other drives, they tend to feel ready for marriage only after achieving certain things in life like having a satisfying career or being financially secure.
In this case, it is all about understanding his perspective and discussing together what things you want to achieve before considering tying the knock.
4. Is he very much for getting married but you are just not “the one”?
This is the worst case of all for you.
Men know if you are potentially “the one” very early on in the relationship, so when they have doubts about that, they usually know deep down that you are not “the one” but don’t want to admit it to themselves.
A guy may like you or even be in love with you sometimes, but he is probably more comfortable with you than really in love with you and he is going to make sure things stay as they are for however long it benefits him and postpone having to make up his mind, especially if you already live together and he is getting wifey benefits without the obligations that a man has to his wife.
Now that we have discussed the 4 possible scenarios as to why he has not proposed, what to do next?
You cannot force someone to propose to you obviously, but if you feel very strongly about getting married, you definitely do not want to dismiss your own dreams and aspirations.
You do not have to convince anyone that what you desire is legitimate and you don’t need to be indoctrinated to embrace new beliefs about marriage that only serve your partner’s agenda of avoiding marriage.
What you want is what you want and it is only a matter for you to know if the person you are in a relationship with is willing to give it to you or not, because you only live once and you deserve to be happy and live life the way you want it.
How do you do that?
I am sorry to say it but there is only one way, and it is the ultimatum.
I know guys don’t like blunt ultimatums because they feel they are pressurized to make a choice.
Bear with me here because there is a smart way to go about it.
The first thing to do if you are living together is to move out immediately and stop giving wifey benefits to a man who is not your husband. Moving out does not mean you are breaking up but it means he needs to take you seriously. He needs to understand that he cannot get your presence, your care and support for free forever and that the price or the counterpart to that is a marriage licence.
If nothing happens after you move out, you need to take the next step which is giving him the ultimatum.
But Instead of saying “we either get married or we break up” , you need to say:
“I have always dreamed of getting married and I thought our relationship was going really well so I thought that I was going to make this dream come true with you, now that I see you are not ready or you do not want to get married, I have no other choice but to leave you so that I can pursue my own dream, if you make up your mind and know you want to spend the rest of your life with me, I will be there for you if I am still single”.
That way, you don’t put him under any pressure of making a choice, he is totally free like a bird to do whatever he wants, except he does not have the free option of always having you by his side because you are also freeing yourself and you are ready to explore other options ( and potentially better options).
If he really loves you, he is going to realize what is at stake here. He will understand that he is losing you potentially to a better person who is going to give you what you want and all the love and support that he has been receiving for years will go to that someone else and will propose to you in no time.
and finally, do some work on yourself if this keeps happening in your life, it may indicate that you don’t know how to approach dating and relationships the right way, and don’t worry about it…I have been there myself because I lacked guidance and knowledge on how to approach relationships. A great program that will teach you how you can be the perfect girlfriend and thrive in your love life by understanding what men really want and need. Check it out here.
If you need coaching on how to do this step by step, click here to get in touch.
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