We all know (or were) this nice woman who would do so much for her partners but does not seem to be able to have one relationship right.
As far as we remember, she is always heartbroken. She has been mistreated, exploited and eventually dumped by her partners, either for another woman, or just because they grow bored of her, despite being the nicest person to them, always pleasing them and catering to their needs.
They say that nice guys finish last, and I would like to say that nice women too finish last.
So many women learned it the hard way ( at least I did ) when they woke up one day and found themselves not living the life they want with the man of their dream after years and years of doing everything “right” and being nice to all men she has been with.
Why is that?
Isn’t so unfair not to receive the same good treatment (or at least some acknowledgment) when you have done so much for someone? Why is it that men don’t seem to appreciate and value such a nice woman?
Here is my 2 cents on the topic.
Nice women are wired to be exploited
A lot of nice women out there think that by being nice and doing things for their man, they will make him love them and want to be in a relationship with them.
You see them putting themselves at his service, catering to all his needs, never expressing any disagreement, in addition to doing all the cooking, cleaning, laundry and the list goes on and on.
The thing with most men is that the more a woman does for them just because she is nice, the less she is valued and the more she is expected to do.
And the reason is very simple, when a man (and most people) receive that much unconditionally and for free, he gets the idea that he actually deserves all of that for free just for the person he is. He understand that all it takes to get more from her is to simply to ask for it, because there is no counterpart expected from him.
This belief is even reinforced when he does ask for more and gets it. It is that simple.
It takes a lot of empathy and character to appreciate what a person does for another person unconditionally, and not to exploit their kindness and generosity.
And not only a nice woman is wired to be exploited, but all the years she spent doing all these things for that man don’t count when he decides to leave her for whatever reason. Go and ask divorced women or women who were dumped after being in a long term relationship with a man.
I remember once listening to a coaching call on Youtube of a dating coach for men, advising one of his male clients who was struggling to make a decision whether to leave or stay in a relationship with a woman who helped me financially and emotionally when he was at the lowest in his life, but he realized after years that he was not really in love with her. And guess what the dating coach advice was?
To leave her because:
- She chose to do all these things for him, he did not force her
- Life is too short and the price of not finding and experiencing true love with a new person just because his current girl friend did so much for him is just too high.
Men have even an incentive to leave a nice woman who has helped them build themselves over the years, because when they achieve whatever they wanted and are in a better place in their life. they suddenly realize that this nice woman reminds them of all their struggle years, so they subconsciously want to have a fresh start with a new person. which is why you hear these stories of men leaving their woman after achieving a certain success.
So as a woman, you need to protect yourself from these kind of men, and the best way to do so is to assume that men who will not appreciate your kindness are the rule, not the exception.
If you want to know if someone truly loves you and is truly interested in you…don’t give him anything and see if he sticks around.
Nice women do not ask for what they really want
Nice women are so in tune with other’s needs that they rarely listen to their own.
They are accustomed to putting other’s first and never doing what they really want that they would not bother even asking for it.
They tend to bury deep down their needs and desires which leads to building up frustration and deep dissatisfaction.
As you can imagine, this attitude can have serious implications on the well-being of the nice woman, who cannot carry on indefinitely, and leads most of the time to nervous breakdowns and other illnesses.
A healthy relationship should not based on meeting one person’s needs to the detriment of the other one.
Men do not have to invest in nice women
When we do things for others, we invest in them, whether it is our time, our energy or our money.
And that is what nice women do, except they do it for free. There might expect love and appreciation in return but they do not show it.
On the other hand, men who are on the receiver side don’t have incentives to invest anything back, because they receive regardless of what they are giving, and that is why they never invest in a nice woman.
For example, if they a man is dating a nice woman, and notices that she is always ready and available to meet him at his convenience, even if it means she has to travel to the other side and cancel whatever plans she had, he will never go out of his way to meet her, because he never have to.
And guess what? It is easier for a man to leave a woman whom he did not invest in.You get the picture.
Men can get away with bad behavior with a nice woman
It is a very sad thing, but men do get away with bad behavior almost all the time with a nice woman.
They almost know for sure that even if they get caught, there will be no consequences.
They can cheat, lie, mistreat, abuse, insult…you name it. They will always find a way to make the woman find excuses for their behavior.
Why are these women nice in the first place?
I think being too nice is deeply rooted in insecurities and fear of being rejected and ending up alone.
When a woman is being unconditionally nice, she is not doing it out of altruism, but out of her own need to be accepted by the other person and see herself as a worthy person, in this case her partner.
She is not her own source of security and does not accept herself so she needs someone else to validate her.
No woman feels good and happy doing things for a man when she does not get the same treatment in return, but nice women keep doing it because they fear deep down that if they stop, they will lose him.
Some women also believe that doing things for a man will make him fall in love with them and marry them.
The truth is, men do not marry the woman who does things for them, unless they have a hidden agenda.
If you are tired of being the “nice woman” and always finishing last, check out my high value woman posts: the traits and the mindsets of high value woman and start your transformation journey into becoming a high value woman.
Please comment below if you agree or disagree or want to add something to this post.