When we, women, have been dating someone for a while, we can’t help but wonder if he will marry us.
No matter what lies we tell ourselves, the end goal of EVERY relationship with a man is to get him to commit to us.
“Marriage is only a piece of paper”, ” I don’t need to throw a big wedding party to say I love you to the world”, “There are different forms of commitments”, men would say, but there is only one form of commitment that really matters to us which is marriage…you know why? Because words vanish, promises can be broken and men know that very well.
So as long as they have not signed a marriage certificate( marriage is a contract if you did not know it), they have not really committed because they can practically walk away and never look back…make sense?
If you have been dating someone for a while now and you are wondering what his intentions are, you really have only two options:
- You can keep the status quo and perhaps waste some of your precious years in the process, or
- If you consider that time is the most precious thing in life (which you should) and figure out what his real intentions are towards you.
In this post, I am going to share the 6 signs that I think, from my own experience, mean he will NOT marry you.
Men don’t marry for the same reasons as women
Before we dive into it, let’s first highlight some differences between men and women with regards to marriage.
The desire for marriage in men does not happen in the same way as it does for us women.
Most of us women grow up with the following fantasy around marriage: We will one day meet our prince and he will be so in love with us that he will marry us in a fairy tale ceremony and we will live happily ever after. (Sorry for the generalization as there are exceptions and slightly different versions of that).
Marriage is deeply ingrained is women’s psyche (thank you Mr Walt Disney for that) for many reasons:
- Women want to be married for marriage itself and what it implies in terms of social status, security and protection.
- Marriage validates us women, because it implies we are good enough that someone decided to commit to us.
- Marriage feeds into our competitive nature that we were chosen because we are special.
- Marriage fulfill our childhood fantasies.
As you can see, there is a lot going on for us women when it comes to marriage.
All we need to think marriage is a “good” relationship with a man and when we have one, marriage becomes the natural course of events.
For men, however, It is a totally different story.
Being in a “good” relationship does not actually mean marriage for men, that is why so many men in “good” relationships have such a hard time committing to their partner even after years of being in that relationship. Only after they are given an ultimatum that they decide to call it off…and then marry the next girl they meet within 6 months ( true stories).
If women are trying to fulfill a childhood fantasy when it comes to marriage, men grow up with other fantasies that they want to fulfill too.
It is true that they also want to meet the girl of their dreams but they do not think of marriage itself as a dream they want to fulfill.
Marriage comes to men as a consequence of their deep desire to be with this particular girl so badly that they fear losing her to another guy if they don’t marry her.
What makes a man really want to commit is the fear of losing you, of missing out on something big and not being able to do “better” than you.
This can happen either instantaneously if a man meets someone who’s “awesome” in their eyes, which is a different way to say who perfectly fits his description of the dream girl in his mind, but it can take months or even years and a little trigger for him to come to the realization that he wants to spend the rest of his life with this particular girl.
Button line, a man never thinks of marriage as the goal or the natural course of things. He think of it as a way to avoid the pain of losing a person, to securing her presence in his life.
A man will marry a woman if he believes he ” cannot live without her”, which is not the same as he “can live with her”.
So if you are in a situation where you don’t quite see that he feels this way for you, these 5 signs that he does not want to marry you will help you gain some clarity.
What are the signs that he will NOT Marry you?
He is taking forever to propose
Unless he is against marriage itself by convictions, a guy who has been for years in a relationship is expected to propose at some point…so when he does not, that is because he has real doubts about you being “the one” or he actually knows you are not but he stays in the relationship as long as it benefits him because he is comfortable with you. I wrote a whole post addressing the issue of a guy not proposing that you can check here.
Don’t waste your time with time wasters, your beauty is declining with time and so is your fertility and it would be sad to give your best years to someone who does not deserve them and who had no intention to marry you but stays in a relationship with you for selfish reasons.
2. He never talks about the future with you
One of the most obvious sign to me that a man does not intent to marry is if he never talks about future plans with you. You know why? Because he is not projecting himself into the future with you…he sees himself in the future but not with you.
If he is always using the word “I” instead of “We”. If you are not included in his future projects, it means you are not part of that picture.
Not having you included in his vision for the future is a clear sign to me that he does not intend to marry you.
A man who sees you as his future wife will effortlessly include you in all his dreams and future projects. He will take pleasure imagining his dream life with you, his dream home where he sees himself living with you and will definitely talk about how much he desires children with you (if he is into children).
If none of this is happening after years of being in a relationship, you need to reassess your relationship immediately and maybe cut your losses if you want to get married to someone who truly wants you.
3. He does not care about your future
This one is the other side of the same coin really.
When a man doesn’t seem interested in your own future plans or is not bothered not being included in them, he is probably not seeing himself in your future and has no intention to marry you.
Think of it this way, if you envision a future with a man, you would want to know that you are part of his future too. You would care about what is going on in his life and how it can affect his future.
Someone who does not show interest in what is going on with your life and what you future plans are simply does not see himself in it for the long haul.
4. He is there in good times but he is gone missing in bad times
A man who truly loves you and sees you as a future wife will always be there by your side in good and bad times.
He will be there especially in bad times as it triggers his protector instinct if he truly cares for you. Learn more about the hero instinct here.
Someone who is always gone missing in your struggles simply does not care enough.
The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference.
An almost unmistakable sign a guy is not serious about you is his indifference, even when he tries to hide it by making small efforts that don’t cost him much just to keep you, because he does not want to make it too obvious that he does not care much.
That being said, the fact that someone stood by your side in bad times does not necessarily mean he wants to marry you, but if he does not, it 99% means he will not marry you.
5. He avoids the topic or vaguely speaks about it
When you specifically want to talk about marriage, the guy dismisses the conversation, he probably does not want to marry you.
And even when you put him in a corner and force him to talk about it, he remains vague about the whole thing or gives you excuses as to why he cannot marry you in the foreseeable future.
Someone who really wants to marry you will want to talk about it with you, he will probably initiate the conversation and will want to plan things to make it happen.
6. He never introduced you to his family
This is not a definite sign that he does not want to marry you but combined with other signs can indicate his true intentions.
Usually when a man sees you in his future wife, he proudly introduces you to his family and friends. If the introduction is slow to arrive, especially after years of being in a relationship, he will probably never do.
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