It is not the easiest of things to keep the spark alive when you have been with your significant other for a long long time. The passage of time naturally gets you caught up in routine and you forget to do these little things that made your relationship so passionate in the early days.
Of course the honeymoon phase happens only once but you can still bring the excitement of early days back into your relationship by incorporating some simple yet effective habits. Here are 6 tips that will help you revive your flame and keep the spark alive.
1. Set a bi-monthly date night
…Or any other frequency but no longer than every 2 months. Not having date nights is the number one common mistake in passionless relationships. Keeping the romance alive long term requires somehow swinging between two states of mind: “being in a relationship” and “still dating”.
You essentially need to “trick” your brain into thinking you are still dating and in the courtship phase, even though you are not.
A good way to do it is by going on regular dates because the whole dynamic of choosing a place or activity, setting a time, getting ready will remind you of the magic of early days and will release all the chemicals of happiness.
2. Sending text messages during the day
Most of couples in long term relationship fall in the trap of practical communication. The only text messages they ever send to each other are short, very practical and asking very specific questions about things like the car, the kids at school, the house, the plumber and whatnot.
They forget that they could also express their love for one another using the same support if only they would take the time.
There is nothing sweeter than to receive a little “I love you” , “I miss you” or “I desire you” in the middle of the day while you are stuck in a boring meeting, and it can have powerful effects even after 20 years of relationship.
3. Be a bit riskier in intimacy
Having a boring sex life is the number one complain I heard throughout my entire life from male friends who were in long term relationship (the number one I heard for my female friends in heterosexual relationships being that he is no longer romantic). For some people sex isn’t that important, for others it is a major pillar for the longevity and good health of a relationship. Men in particular range on the second category most of the time ( for evolutionary reasons) and so one way to keep the passion alive in your relationship is to keep the sex amazing.
Here are a few suggestions:
- Dress up and wear sexy lingerie (even when they are not the most comfortable of things but you get used to them after a while).
- Make sure to be impeccable and wear sexy perfume (people forget the perfume part a lot).
- Know your partner preferences: Sex is a mutual experience that can be amazing if enjoyed by both. And sometimes in order for one to be pleased the other has to make some effort. This starts from understanding your partner wants and needs and his sexual fantasies. You would be surprised how many couples don’t know each other that well when it comes to intimacy and it often leads to sexless relationships and marriages and eventually to their breakdown. If you are experiencing boring sex or if your partner is avoiding sex altogether, the issue might be simply that he is “misunderstood”. If you want a complete guide to what men really want in sex, there is a very good program ( and the only one I know of which is dedicated to sex and intimacy) called The Language of Desire by Felicity Keith that was eye open for me.
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4. Surprise each other
Nothing sparks excitement in a relationship like a surprise. You don’t have to wait for his birthday to throw a surprise birthday party, you can make every day special with little surprise here and there like leaving a love note before you leave to work, bringing breakfast to bed or paying his a surprise visit at work.
5. Compliment each other
Even when you said it a thousand times, it is very important to keep reminding your partner of what makes him attractive in your eyes. Compliments about his physic, his hair or his smell can go a long way in making him feel loved and desired and fire him up to make you feel exactly the same.
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6. Show affection
Rarely would Love survive if it is lacking physical affection. You need to use every opportunity to demonstrate your love through kisses, hugs and physical contact.
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