Trying to get an ex back is a risky enterprise.
Yes, you were once madly in love and you thought he will never leave you,
But if you guys broke up, it means something wasn’t working too well in the relationship, at least from your ex’s perspective if it was him who initiated the breakup (I am assuming he did if you are reading this post).
In 90% of cases, this is the typical breakup scenario:
what got him to breakup with you was a certain perception of you that was unattractive and low value to him. He left you because he no longer sees you are worthy and got to a conclusion that you are not what he wants.
Your only chance to get your ex back is to entirely change this perception of you and increase your value in his eyes.
None of this has anything to do with your intrinsic value as a person, it is all to do with his perception which is why recovering an ex is never really impossible, although difficult in certain cases.
While I can’t tell you what are your chances of getting him back, I can safely tell you that you will reduce your chances to Null if you make one of these 7 deadly mistakes that will just reinforce his idea that you are not worthy of his love.
1.Call and text all the time
This is what most of us react to an unwanted breakups.
We are in huge pain and our instincts push us to do anything that could relief the pain without rationally thinking of the consequences.
So most of people who are desperate to get their ex back engage in unwelcomed texting and calling “just to hear your voice” or to ask “if you still love me” or “do you miss me” and guess what happens? The ex only sees them as more desperate and unworthy than they did when they broke up with them and just feel even less attracted to them.
I know this mistake is very difficult to avoid, but it is an absolute must avoid if you want to change your ex’s perception of you.
Your ex knows and could even expect that you may call because he knows you have feelings for him ( he is the one who broke up with you) but you can already surprise him by not calling nor texting because it speaks of your self-discipline and self-respect.
2. Use pity to get him back
Begging someone for love never works. If your ex decided to leave, no amount of begging and using pity will make him want to stay. It may make him feel bad and guilty of putting you through so much pain and may even decide to stay but it will not be genuine and will only postpone the day he will leave you once and for all.
You ex left you for a reason and begging will only make you less attractive to him than you already are. so don’t lose your dignity and self-respect when it will land you no results and can even seriously undermine your futures chances of getting him back.
3. Keep seeing him if he booty calls you
Sometimes, a guy can breakup with you because he realized that he does not want a relationship with you but he still wants to sleep with you.
He does not want to do the relationship stuff but he doesn’t mind being in a friends with benefits situation with you.
In order words, he wants his cake and eat it. He wants the benefits of a relationship without having to work for it.
And you might be attempted to accept such arrangement thinking that with time he will get back to his senses and change his mind about you and the relationship but in reality, it never happens that way.
The very fact that he suggests such arrangement shows that he does not really respect you and value you. He is just looking to use you as long as he can and it benefits him until he finds your replacement. So this is never something to accept if you are looking to get him back. You need to create space in order to reignite the attraction that once existed between you and you can’t achieve that if you keep seeing him.
4. Lower your standards to stay with him
Sometimes a guy can use a breakup as a weapon to make you accept a relationship on new terms which are only his. And because you want him back so badly, your instincts will tell you to accept everything you ex is asking for, even the most ridiculous demands he may have.
You may feel hurt that he has these demands in the first place but you are in an even greater pain of seeing your ex leaving you that you are ready to accept, but you really should not.
What your ex is doing is called disguised blackmailing and no good relationship is build upon this basis. Giving into all his demands will not make him love you more or really want to be with you, it will make him respect you less because you do not respect yourself and will ultimately leave you at some point in the future.
5. Being extra affectionate
You may think that if you show your ex how much you love him and how much you care for him, he will reconsider and realise that he cannot find this love anywhere else but with you.
Do you want to know the ugly truth? Your ex knows exactly how much you love him just by how much pain you are in when he broke up with you and he stills wanted to leave. So giving him extra affection and care will not help and will actually hurt your chances of getting him back in the future because he will never feel like he lost you, which is essential to rebuilding attraction.
Things to avoid doing:
- Telling him that you will always love him and that you will always be there for him
- Bringing little gifts and attentions when you get a chance to meet him
- Surprising him with his favorite meal when he come to pick up his things ( if you were living together)
6. Stalking him
The biggest fear you can have, after losing your ex, is your ex dating someone new, because there is nothing more hurtful than seeing the guy you love moving on and building a new relationship with another person.
The thing is this fear can easily cause you to think irrationally and lose control over yourself.
You may become obsessed over your ex and spent most of your day checking him on Social Media, waiting for him to upload any new photos and over analysis each one of his posts. In more severe cases, you may even start stalking him to see who he is going out with, who he is having lunch with or going for a drink with.
Needless to say that none of this is healthy and will scare away your ex if he finds out about it.
Stalking your ex will make you look miserable He will believe that you are an absolute freak and that’s when you will lose him forever.
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7. Name calling and anger
I understand that you could be very angry at your ex for leaving you but you need to find a way to channel this anger and use it in a way that will benefit you and will not hurt your chances of getting him back.
Your ex will not like you more and want to get back with you if you call him names, if you insult him, belittle him or engage in aggressive or destructive behavior.
There are better ways to channel your anger that will not hurt your chances of getting him back because they have nothing to do with him:
- Write your feelings in a journal
- Go to the gym
- Join a yoga or meditation class
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