So your ex just texted or called you after months or even years and you are still in shock.
Why is he getting in touch? What does he want from you? Is he possibly still in love with you?
In this post, I am going to expose likely 5 reasons why men come back months or even years later and it is not what you think.
But first, let’s talk about why he left you in the first place because it is going to help understand why he is coming back. Your man most likely left you because you were no longer a challenge to him. Men cannot stay in love if they don’t feel a little insecure about you because that’s what motivates them to keep working for you, chasing you and trying to impress you.
Why does it matter that much to men? Men only value (and love, who they had to work for, who they had to earn after a lot of effort. For them to love you, they need to think you were a prize that many were competing for and they were the one who won. so when a woman makes a man feel too comfortable, when she makes him feel he has nothing to prove anymore, all the challenge goes and so does all the excitement and spark.
How does a woman make a man feel too comfortable?
- Validating him too much.
- Being needy and desperate
- Stop being fun and having an interesting life.
- Taking too much shit from him (It speaks of a woman’s self-worth).
- Going out of your way to be with him (He wasn’t that interested to begin with).
- Giving wifey benefits to a man with no real commitment from him
- Letting go of herself and not taking good care of her appearances.
Now that we got this out of the way, let’s talk about why these same men come back sometime later.
The first thing I want to start with is it rarely love that make these men come back, because most men don’t leave a woman they truly love or at least they don’t leave for many months. It does not take a man many months to realize that he always loved that woman, but it can take months for him to realize other things that will make him come back to her pretexting that he loves her.
1. The grass isn’t greener outside
As silly as it sounds, but a lot of guys leave because they get the illusion that the grass is greener outside, only to get hit by the reality few months down the line that the grass is in fact not greener.
Mostly driven by their egos, they think that they will live their best life (like their single friends) as soon as they get rid of you, that they can party like crazy, have fun with as many girls as they want, and they even believe that it is easy to upgrade on you with so many options available on the market place.
After a while they get a taste of what single life really looks like. They get tired of partying. They realize that getting girls is actually a lot of work and cost a lot more money with no guarantee of any success. These girls who seemed so much better than you have all sorts of issues besides being not necessarily as accepting of their flaws as you were.
That’s when they come to the realization that they may have made a mistake by leaving you because you were not bad after all and they try to sneak back. It would be a huge mistake to take them back because they aren’t doing it out of love or after realizing that you are an amazing person on their own, they had to go experience the world and its harsh reality to come to this conclusion. They couldn’t see your worth when they had you and I am not sure they see it now.
2. He wants to get laid
You made him feel that he was the greatest guy when you were with him, so he got the wrong idea that he was indeed the greatest guy and that every other woman would think the same…very wrong, he was only great through your lens…now other women don’t see him that way and so he is struggling to even get laid.
He is coming back to you to get that ego boost he so desperately needs because he knows he can get it from you. But make no mistake, he is only coming back because he couldn’t find anyone to validate him, he will be gone as soon as he meets your replacement.
If you built strong memories with a man, chances are he will experience something that will remind him of one of these memories at some point and triggering the same feeling and physical sensations that he felt when he was with you even when they are with a new person.
Is it good news? Not necessarily and you will have to be very careful that he is not only after the intense feelings and sensations. Remember that he left for a reason and whatever issues you were having need to be addressed before considering taking him back.
4. He has done work on himself and realized in his growth that you were and have always been the right person for him.
In some rare occasions, a man would come back because he truly realized that he made a big mistake by leaving you. He just needed a break from the relationship to think and maybe do some work on himself which enabled him to see his own contribution to what he thought was wrong in the relationship and suddenly he sees you in a very different light. Now he is ready to be in a relationship with you and he makes the conscious choice is truly committed to make thing work with you.
The only caveat to all this is that men usually don’t take months or years to get to this point, one or two months of time apart is more than enough to make the right guy realize what he is losing. Anything longer would fall under the other scenarios cited In this post.
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5. You leveled up
I wrote a post on the how to get the best revenge on an ex who left you, and you know what the answer is? The answer is to level up and get a better man…the fastest way to see your ex at your doorstep is to become a much better version of yourself that he would almost not recognize you.
So if you did some work on yourself ( maybe you started working out, you changed your haircut and style, you did some personal development work) and you started posting pictures of you on social media living your best life, I would not be surprised if your ex reached out to ask how you were doing.
That is because in his mind, you are far from the memory of the boring miserable not interesting girl he left behind. You look like a completely different person and it is teasing his curiosity. And If you don’t open the doors too easily, you become a new challenge that he wants to take on.
6. He gets something from you
Probably the worst scenario of them all. A guy would keep coming back in a woman’s life if he gets something from her that he is unable to get anywhere else. And what I mean by something is some sort of validation or a sense of comfort and familiarity that he has become addicted to.
It is literally his brain which is dictating this man behavior and is pushing him to come back and interact with you so that it can release certain chemicals that the body is craving.
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But as soon as he gets what his brain is asking for, he sees no valid reason to stick around and he leaves again.
For example, if his new girlfriend isn’t validating him too much, not complimenting him enough and making him feel like he is a great guy, but he got used to feeling great because you made him feel this way, he will reach out to you because he knows for sure he will get the validation he craves from you.
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