My few years of dating men taught me that there are some men out there who have mastered the skill of “minimum investment” to keep you hanging.
These are the sort of men who like to have many options at any point in time because they don’t like the idea of finding themselves alone…just in case.
So what they do is that they will strategically put a minimum investment ( like taking you on a good date or two), texting you and responding to your texts at their convenience, and basically filling out their time.
They won’t make it obvious that you are not their first choice and they already know they don’t see a future with you, just to keep around for their lonely nights.
And this is why it’s tricky because it’s not so easy to spot most of the time.
These men also have mastered the skill of spotting the type of women on which this could work,
they usually go for more needy, poor boundaries, a low standard, because they know that someone like that will take some time to figure out their game.
So your job, when you are dating men, is to spot the signs of little investments and no real intention to take things forward.
1. If you are more driven by the fact that you like him, not by the fact that he likes you back.
Relationships are a dance, and a perfect dance involves two parties that are moving in almost perfect harmony.
So if the other party is not moving along with you, meaning not investing an equivalent amount of time, energy, attention, you have to ask yourself the following question:
Are you investing in him because you like him or because he has shown interest in you?
If it’s the former, meaning you invest purely because you like him when you received very little evidence of his interest in you,
that is when you should stop investing in him, because at this point you are just wasting your energy.
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Matthew Hussey talks about an interesting phrase that sums up what I would recommend doing when you are dating.
What he means by that is that when you start seeing someone, you should always give a little ( you can set what’s little for you and it might be different for everyone, but something you are comfortable losing if you don’t get anything back, and I don’t mean just material stuff, your time and energy are included in this description),
and then test the other party, see what they do with what you give them.
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Do they respond to it?
Do they give even more?
Do they ignore it?
Do they take advantage of it?
Be an observer when you are dating and you will easily spot time wasters.
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2. When you have already made a second move and nothing happened
At least in this case he is honest…
A first move should be reciprocated but that did not happen in this case,
So you went out of your way to make a second move, maybe you started following him on Instagram, maybe you invited him for coffee,
maybe you reached out to plan something together.
And he did not respond positively to your second move
That is an intentional signal he is sending you to tell you, “no thank you, I am not interested”
In this case, you should immediately stop and move on because he really isn’t interested in taking it further.
3. If you feel he is not putting too much thought into the texts he is sending to you
Another thing that some men would do is to keep sending just the minimum amount of text to keep you there,
but you could tell that they are low effort and that he did not put so much thought into his messages.
You can tell if the texts are short if he is only answering your texts but not asking you back something to learn more about you,
if they are too flirty and not deep at all, and if they tend to be spaced out by few hours.
4. When you feel frustrated about it
When you get to the point of frustration about a guy’s low effort and mixed signals and you start complaining about his behavior to a friend of yours,
that is when know you should stop investing in him and immediately move on,
…because your frustration is your subconscious mind screaming at your conscious mind that something is off about this person.
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5. When you feel you need to start chasing him to keep it going
Last but not least, when you feel you need to step up and start chasing him in order to make things happen.
He is canceling on you all the time,
he always has an excuse,
he is postponing,
he is always busy,
Or he always has a last-minute emergency.
This person has put you last on his priority list because he still wants to keep you on the side *( That’s why he is not being upfront about it) but you are not really his cup of tea.
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Thanks for reading this post,