Boundaries are such an important topic because they are one of the important pillars of self-love.
Boundaries are about protection. We set boundaries to protect ourselves emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually from all kinds of attacks and abuse.
Having or not having boundaries is the sort of thing that makes people either respect you or walk all over you. That’s why having boundaries is crucial to being a high value woman.
Boundaries are like the borders on a map. They are a statement of the limits that should not be crossed.
The issue is that, unlike a map, personal boundaries are not as clear and as visible as borders can be.
And for that reason, people are more likely to violate our boundaries, whether consciously or unconsciously, if not stated and communicated clearly.
What Makes A High Value Woman Different With Setting Boundaries?
Not only a high value woman knows how boundaries, but she fully owns them and has full confidence in enforcing them.
She feels that she deserves to have boundaries and she does not fear people’s reaction to her standing up for herself, nor does she fear losing them in the process and finding herself alone.
She worked out her fears of being alone, of rejection, of abandonment, and now she has full trust in her ability to navigate and overcome them.
What Makes People Struggle With Setting Boundaries?
As someone who struggled with the very concept of boundaries let alone setting boundaries, and knowing many people who had the same struggles,
I have come to realize that these issues can be almost always traced back to childhood traumas and more precisely having parental figures who constantly violated our natural boundaries through disrespect, abuse, gaslighting…you name it.
Often these parental figures fell victims to the same abuse by their own parents or caregivers and did not know any better.
That’s not to give them any excuses but just to explain where these issues come from and that often victims become abusers if they don’t heal from their trauma.
So what happens when we grow up and go out there into the wild of the world, is that we don’t know how to protect ourselves.
We don’t know when we are supposed to stand up and leave a toxic situation, we don’t know the difference between asking and yelling, we don’t know that our bodies are sacred temples no one should access without our permission and so much more.
So How To Set Boundaries Like A High Value Woman?
For many years I did not live by my own boundaries simply because I did not know myself well enough and what is acceptable and what is not for me.
If you want to set boundaries the high value woman way, you first want to get to know what your boundaries are.
There is a difference between what triggers you and your boundaries.
Let me explain,
Basically, when you get triggered by what someone says or does, that’s your unconscious telling you this is not good for you and that this is a line not to be crossed.
But it only becomes a boundary when you acknowledge it consciously when you bring it to the surface by taking the time to reflect upon what happened and reverse engineer what exactly triggered you.
You then realize that this is a boundary you need to set for yourself in order to protect yourself and your energy in the future.
Boundaries take form and become statements when you acknowledge them. Remember that.
For example, think of all the times you were mad at someone and try to remember what they did in detail ( what words they used, their body language, how they made you feel, what tone were they using) and what line they crossed and that’s your boundary.
Think of the time you felt inadequate and hurt after someone said something to you or about you, and ask yourself “why were you listening to that person? why did you tolerate them in your life?” and there is maybe another boundary that you never got to set in your life.
Think of the time were you were convinced to do something that you really did not want to do, and try to reverse engineer the process that took place to lead you to saying yes that that thing you did not want to do and you would have never done if you were able to stand up for yourself and say NO.
Another thing that will help to shape your boundaries is to get to know your values and your beliefs.
They will serve as a guiding lantern when defining or reinforcing your boundaries.
Take a moment to write down your value, what you believe in, what’s important in your eyes, what makes you happy and fulfilled.
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What High Value Boundaries Should We All Set In Our Romantic Relationships?
Now, here are 4 high value woman boundaries I believe we must all set in relationships.
1. No is a complete sentence
This is one of my favorite quotes because it was behind one of my biggest Aha moments ever.
When I realized that No did not need to be followed by any justification.
If you are anything like me, you probably feel like you always need to explain why you say No.
and that is because you are a nice person and you believe that saying No is mean and rude.
But the truth is saying No has nothing to do with being a nice or a mean person.
You can be a mean person and say Yes to a lot of things and be a nice person but stand for yourself and say No to something you don’t want to do.
Get over the feeling like you have to justify yourself for everything you do or refuse to do.
If you are not comfortable doing something, or you simply don’t want to do it, you are 100% entitled to say “I am sorry I don’t want to do that”
2. Intimacy is not a currency
There is an ongoing trend of men feeling entitled to S** and intimacy when they open their wallets for you and the threshold keeps going down.
A man could buy a $5 milkshake and somehow this makes him think he has some right over your time and your body.
But nothing could be further from the truth and I high value woman knows that very well.
She does not take this BS from anyone.
So if she thinks it’s too early to get sexually intimate or simply does not feel like it, she listens to her intuition and stays true to her wants.
She makes it clear that she does not owe it to a man and that she will let him know when she is ready to get intimate with him.
Whatever a man paid for does not come into play in that decision.
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3. Any form of abuse is unacceptable
There are many forms of abuse: physical, mental, emotional, financial, verbal.
It can take the form of cursing, calling names, making too many sexual comments, inappropriately touching or worst physical violence.
You do not have ( and you should not) to tolerate any of the above in the name of Love.
A Love that expresses through abuse is not true love anyway.
Authentic Love is kind, forgiving, compassionate, and caring.
A high value woman has very little tolerance for abuse and would probably give one warning at most before walking away and removing herself from the situation.
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4. You have a right to a secret garden
I have to say that I was guilty of that one myself and I believed that we should not have secrets of each other in a relationship until I had a taste of my own medicine.
I am not talking about big secrets that keeping to yourself would be plain dishonest,
but what I am saying is that you have a right to privacy even within your relationship.
There are certain things that you are entitled to keep for yourself,
Example: how many people you dated before him.
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Thanks for reading this post,