In this post, I am going to share with you 6 specific ways to project confidence around men.
The assumption here is that you have developed inner confidence which is separate from the outer confidence that you project around other people and men in particular.
If you want to learn more about inner confidence, check out this post on how to develop inner confidence.
As a quick introduction, let’s first make sure we agree on what confidence is in general.
Confidence is a state of mind of self-trust and faith in one’s ability to survive in any circumstance.
It’s carrying the energy of “I trust myself and my ability to emerge from any circumstance that presents itself to me and that I am going to be okay regardless of what happens outside”.
Many people don’t think of confidence that way.
They mostly confuse confidence with the signs of confidence, a bit like confusing a disease with its symptoms.
So in many ways, confidence is not allowing our fears and our self-doubt to take control of our life.
So how does that apply to your love life?
The main fear that people have when it comes to love is the fear of not finding someone and not being lovable, and for women, this fear expresses itself through neediness.
“I fear that I am not lovable so I am going to hold on to the slightest signal of someone loving me and I become needy”
“I fear that I may not find someone who loves me that I end up pursuing men who are not showing real signs of interest and I am going to ignore the red flags”
So The key to confidence is the absence of neediness by knocking down your fear of not being lovable and being alone for the rest of your life.
That’s all it is ladies.
As I said before, this can be achieved through inner work, and for now, let’s assume you did the inner work and you developed some confidence.
How do you project that confidence around men?
1. Have a slight coldness to you
Although a piece of good dating advice for women is to make sure to be warm and welcoming, in reality, too much of that warmth and niceness can be interpreted as being too naïve, may be weak, and easily impressed.
Confident people are often a little bit intimidating, you get a sense that they can be very nice but are not to be messed with.
And this is the idea you want to convey to a man because what you want men to get from you is a sense that you are a nice person not because you are seeking validation and that you can turn anytime if they don’t treat you right.
It’s a very subtle way to tell people you don’t need them.
For example, avoid smiling too much and for no reason, try to maintain a neutral facial expression mixed with some moments of warmth and enthusiasm.
It sounds silly but it plays in people’s psychology and the way they perceive you.
Also, don’t be afraid to express negative emotions from time to time.
For example, I used to be very shy, so when someone would say something that made me feel uncomfortable or maybe offended me,
I would try to pretend it did not trigger any discomfort in me and I would suppress the feeling of discomfort,
but I came to learn that if I was a confident person back then, I would actually pause and I would not be afraid to ask the person “sorry what do you mean” and it would send a strong signal that I am that sort of person who stands up for myself because I am confident that I am not losing that much by doing so.
They will respect you more and they will pay more attention to how they interact with you in the future.
As a rule of thumb, you have to find the right balance and I would recommend being 80% warm and only 20% cold because you still want to appeal to them.
2. Slow down
When you imagine a confident person, you either see them at a standstill or in slow motion.
You don’t see them agitated and moving around very fast.
So confident women are very relaxed, both in their bodies and in their minds.
They are not too excited or animated.
How do you do that?
Well you have to practice mindfulness because if you are agitated around men, there is a high chance are you are also agitated on your own and you don’t enjoy moments of silence and being alone with your thoughts and so you are always looking to be with around other people and doing things.
Do meditation in silence or by listening to a guided meditation.
Something else you can do is to visualize yourself as a calm composed person and try to make it a practice a daily practice.
Your brain will accept the idea that you are calm and composed and will slowly start gearing your behavior towards achieving that state.
And lastly, when you are with a man and you start becoming too excited, notice yourself becoming like that and bring back your awareness to your body.
You will notice that the simple fact of becoming aware of what is going on will calm you down.
3. Don’t talk too much, listen more
This one goes along with the previous point of slowing down because usually when we are agitated we also talk too much.
And too much talking doesn’t come across as very confident, it comes across as though you have something to prove, that you are trying to sell yourself your qualities or you are hiding behind the talk.
But when you are quieter than talking, it gives people the vibe that you have nothing to prove and that you are not looking to be liked or validated and that is a very powerful position to be in around men.
Again don’t do too much silence it has to be balanced because you might scare your date and become too intimidating to him but if you are given the opportunity to stay quiet for a while and listen more, take it.
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4. Be comfortable with silence
This is a technique that I learned in my coaching training, and it’s incredibly hard to do.
Essentially because people cannot stand the awkwardness and can’t resist the urge of filling in the silence.
But you see confidence is really that trust that everything is going to be okay, so a confident person does not fear the awkwardness so when it takes place, the confident person is nonreactive to it.
A confident person would feel the awkwardness and would be like “oh this is awkward” but won’t do anything about it.
Being comfortable with silence is a skill, people are not born naturally that way, I don’t think so, and the way they taught us as coaches to do that is to make it a daily practice.
So in our everyday life, when there is silence, just notice the urge you have to say something and make the mental effort of stopping yourself from doing it, and you will see that whoever is in the room will start filling the silence with words.
The reason you come across as very confident around men when you are comfortable with silence is that they themselves feel the discomfort and they will think “you must be very confident if you if are able to manage to not act on it” because they struggle themselves with silence.
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5. Don’t be reactive
I will explain this point through an example:
Imagine you are discussing a topic with someone, and you expressed an opinion on something and the other person had no reaction whatsoever, they don’t say if they agree or disagree, maybe just “oh okay”
How does that come across?
Doesn’t come across as though that person has their opinion and don’t care to share it with you, maybe because they know something that you don’t know,
That person seems to be very confident in what they know that they don’t even need to prove their point.
Now imagine the scenario with the same discussion but this time the person very passionately tells you that you are wrong and try to prove their point by all means, and doesn’t want to let go until you agree with them.
How does it come across?
It gives a feeling that maybe behind this obsession of making you agree with them is a person who is not so confident in what they are saying. And a bit insecure.
So the reaction is not confidence,
non-reaction, indifference is confidence.
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6. Be alone
Another way to project confidence is by going out there and doing things alone.
So this one is not in a dating scenario, but you will be projecting confidence all around you and men will notice your confidence.
So for example:
Do things that are traditionally a social activity and it’s a bit awkward to be alone… and the very fact that it’s rare to see a woman on her own doing these things will make you come across as super confident.
It’s a very confident builder in general not just with men.
It’s not going to be easy, which is why you should take baby steps.
For example, start by going for a coffee alone, then having lunch alone, then dinner alone, and then going on vacations alone.
I am telling you very few people do this and it forges someone’s character to get out of your comfort zone and do these uncomfortable things.
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7. Let go of control
The need for control originates from the fear of the unknown and so if you come across as someone who has a need for control, subconsciously people will think you are not a very confident person inside.
On the other hand, not seeking to control everything and being comfortable in situations where you lack control of external things will come across as highly confident.
When men are dating, they are consciously or unconsciously testing you, looking for signs of weaknesses.
Men are very sensitive to signs of fear in a woman.
So they might see that in very subtle things, like for example how adaptable to change you are.
Are you open to suggestions, in small things like
For example, if a man suggests meeting somewhere you don’t know, provided that it’s a safe area, are you comfortable going with the flow or do you need to stick to your agenda?
If he suggests trying something on the menu that you never had before, are you open to experimentation, or are you afraid?
Control yourself and make sure to always stay safe but let go of control of external things and you will come across as very confident.
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