Many people assume that real closeness and intimacy in a relationship means sharing everything with your partner.
(I was one of those people).
Some people even think that it’s a form of dishonesty to not disclose everything to their partner and they feel something missing if they don’t know everything about them.
But this kind of radical self-disclosure is not always the healthiest thing to do within a relationship ( especially a very recently formed one).
In this post, I am going to explain why you should not share everything with your man and I am going to share 5 things I think you should never disclose to him.
Some prerequisite to this post
You first need to understand that walking in relationships like open books is not a good idea.
You must give up the idea that you need to tell him everything about yourself on a date.
Also, you must understand that keeping things for yourself is not being dishonest, you can be a very honest person yet choose to keep things for yourself because you know it will harm you to reveal them.
People might like you the way you are after they out gradually, but Initially, people will like the illusion of you that does not show the real you.
Why you can’t tell everything about yourself
I see two reasons for that.
First, because men are just human beings and it’s part of human nature to judge others.
They will judge you based on what you say, how you act, what you believe in, even if it is subconscious.
As you will see further down this post, the main thing that men will judge you on unfavorably is your past relationships ( how many partners you had, what kind of partners you had, and what kind of relationships you had).
Second, everything you say can be used against you when feelings change.
and how someone feels about you will inevitably change over time,
what can happen ( and trust me it does happen) is that the things you said when you felt safe and vulnerable to share will become arguments and proof that you are the bad person.
For example, you may have told the story of an ex leaving you and breaking your heart after he cheated on you with his much younger co-worker.
That very story can quickly become ” see, your ex left you for another woman because he could not stand living with you”
1. Never talk about your past relationships trauma
You’ll be surprised but a lot of people, especially women, use their partners as their therapist or their best friend.
It’s kind of natural and human to do that.
They are the closest person to you so you naturally think of them when you want to share your feelings and open up about past traumas.
The issue again is that you are revealing very intimate things that are actually your weak spots, and when you become so open about your weaknesses, you give power to the other person even if they don’t realize it immediately.
You revealing your wounds and showing the person exactly where to press if ( and when ) they want to hurt you one day.
And looking at the ( very) low success rate of modern relationships,
I can say that statistically speaking, most relationships are not meant to last a lifetime ( maybe there will be one that will be the ONE for you and that’s why we call it the ONE).
so it’s best to think ahead and not give the other person so much power that they can use ( and you don’t even know in which way they will use it) against you when things go downhill.
For example, having been in a toxic relationship with a narcissist may get your partner to sympathize with you and feel sorry for you but when he feels you hurt me or you disrespected him or whatnot,
he will remember this and can then tell you that it was probably you who were the toxic person in your first relationship ( even if it’s totally untrue).
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2. How many partners you had before
If you make a poll and ask men which option they prefer between a woman who slept with 100 men and one who had 1 or 2 partners, I am pretty sure the majority of men will pick option 2.
And there are evolutionary reasons for that.
Someone who had multiple sexual partners is more likely to carry STI’s and we can never be sure if the child is theirs.
And although we are way ahead of these times now, some parts of the brain ( the reptilian brain mostly) is still wired to work as if we are still living in the wild.
So the solution is not to limit yourself to 1 or 2 partners because as a woman, you need to go out there and explore before you can find someone who is suitable for you, but you should avoid sharing this exploration journey with your partner.
He does not need to know, there are no benefits in him knowing, there are only drawbacks.
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3. Don’t be the one asking if you guys will meet again
In other words, don’t reveal your cards.
A lot of women are not aware of that, but dating ( and even relationships ) are a game.
so that means you need to be a little bit strategic about it.
Men that you meet on dates are not your friends, they don’t owe you anything, they are indifferent to how you feel until they decide to start building something with you.
Until then, you should treat them as you would treat a stranger and not trust them with your feelings.
Sorry for the big intro but I had to set the record straight.
All of that to say that when the date is finished, it’s up to him to tell you if he wants to see you again.
As they say, women are the gatekeeper of s*x and men are the gatekeepers of relationships.
If he does not come forward and tell you he wants to see you again, it means he actually does not want it.
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4. If you come from a wealthy background, don’t tell anything that suggests that
People will perceive you differently if they realize that you are wealthy.
That’s just how it is.
And the thing in relationships is that it can influence if they want to be with you or ( the extent to which wealth can play varies from person to person but it still influences people ) not because there are obvious benefits of being with someone with such a background, that it’s hard to see how it cannot come into play.
It’s just human nature, no matter how much they say they don’t care and they only care about you, that’s never true.
Men and women have been marrying for status for centuries, ( Men and women).
Also, they will expect again subconsciously or consciously from you to contribute financially at least 50% if not more.
And the day you break up after being in a relationship, they will fight harder over any financial issues they will always have at the back of their mind that you are better off than them financially.
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5. How much money you make
For the same reasons, you don’t want to tell them how much you earn, how much money you have in the bank account.
6. Never compare him to an ex-boyfriend
It is offensive and disrespectful to compare someone with an ex.
For that reason, you should really not compare the current person with an ex, and you should not even mention the ex for that matter.
Some people do it out of lack of social intelligence but sometimes a woman does it subconsciously to create some sort of imaginary competition between a man and an ideal image of an ex,
maybe because she is still attached to the ex and she wants her current man to become like him,
or because it is a learned behavior of always putting people in competitive states so that they can “prove” their love to her.
It’s quite unhealthy in all cases which is why you should make it a rule to avoid any form of comparison with an ex.
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Thanks for reading this post,