He starts an argument, and your first response is to adopt his tone and now you’re having a full-blown exchange with him.
That’s how we have to solve issues, right? A tooth for a tooth, and an eye for an eye! But what if we told you that this isn’t the way to go?
Well, we know for a fact that this isn’t how you’re going to win him over during an argument.
When you really think about it, we have different styles of conflict resolution.
In addition, there are also differences in feminine and masculine ways of resolving disputes.
The feminine way is more reconciliatory, concession-driven, and withdrawn than the masculine way.
With that being said, let’s find out how you can handle arguments in a feminine way.
1. State what you want, but never demand
When you demand something from your partner, your demands will often be met with resistance.
One of the best ways for handling arguments in a feminine way is to learn how to say exactly what you want.
Sometimes, the tone of voice and choice of words you use when stating what you want will affect the recipients’ perception so you want to be careful about how you communicate your wants.
For instance, rather than telling your partner, ‘I want the kitchen cleaned’ (a demand), you could try saying, ‘could you please help me clean the kitchen now so we’re ready to serve our guests when they arrive?’.
Both of these statements are different.
You can see that the first one indicated some type of bossiness or annoyance, while the second one sounded like an appeal or a reasonable request.
Keep in mind that statements such as ‘I need you to (Insert action) aren’t ideal to use when stating what you want.
When you use the word ‘need’ as opposed to ‘want’, it will become harder to tell what the difference is when you want to express a real need.
Doing this likens you to the boy who cried wolf.
Another good example of stating what you want in a feminine way is in the bedroom.
Many times, women cultivate the habit of saying, ‘I’d like you to touch me this way’.
Rather than stating your wants, your partner may perceive your statement as saying ‘you’re not doing it right’, or ‘I don’t like how you’re touching me’.
This seems more demanding.
It would be best to communicate more effectively by carefully choosing your words, letting your partner know what your preference is, and discussing resentments if they occur.
The keyword is communication.
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2. Express your sadness rather than nagging
You said you’d quit smoking! Have you taken the trash out yet?
I’ve told you a million times to fix the leaking faucet! Does any of this sound familiar?
If it does, it’s because you’re likely the one that makes these statements.
While nagging might seem like an effective way of reminding your partner to do something they’re supposed to, it isn’t.
If anything, nagging will not bring you any satisfaction, it’s an ineffective method of communication, and it will erode the love you share.
Keep in mind that nagging doesn’t mean you’re right. It might mean you’re angry.
When you nag your partner, you express negative emotions.
Even though your anger at your partner may be justified due to serious concern, it will not work.
As a woman, you most likely feel frustrated when your partner constantly does something negative.
And, you might not feel like they listen so you increase the negative energy you direct towards them.
However, nagging is the complete opposite of what you should do. The best thing to do would be to take a breath and calm down.
Once you’ve calmed down, express your sadness at how things haven’t been going well between the two of you.
For example, you could say, ‘I miss how much fun we would have when we had dinner together.
We would talk and laugh so much’.
By putting together a statement like this, you can use your feminine energy to pull your partner’s heartstrings rather than trigger their temper.
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3. Use natural consequences rather than punishment or withholding love
Most people don’t realize this but the purpose of conflict resolution in any marriage is to foster feelings of unity, love, and affection.
Therefore, when you withhold love and affection or punish your partner when they’ve done something they shouldn’t have, you may end up pushing them away further.
And, doing this may end up making you feel resentment, stressed or overwhelmed.
Sometimes, women will go to great lengths to ensure there aren’t any conflicts by picking up the slack for their partner when they fail to do what is required.
For example, if your partner fails to tidy up their side of the wardrobe or is constantly leaving it ruffled up, you can use natural consequences to make him see his folly.
Using natural consequences means you don’t switch into mummy gear and sort out his mess.
Remember that you aren’t his mum.
And, we already mentioned that picking after him can lead to resentment and stress.
You want to share feelings of love and affection with your partner so leave those feelings intact.
Keep in mind that using natural consequences to handle an argument isn’t punishing your partner.
It’s allowing them to take responsibility for their actions.
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4. Lean back and don’t retaliate
You can use your feminine energy to diffuse an argument in a matter of seconds or minutes by leaning back rather than retaliation.
Of course, you might feel that you have to get your point across because you’re right and the other person doesn’t get it.
Or, maybe, just this once, things have to go your way. When you feel urgent about winning an argument you tend to:
- Speak louder
- Bring up past evidence
- Speak with more urgency than usual
- Nag or follow your partner to pass your point across
- Don’t drop the topic
Unfortunately, all these actions will only make things worse especially if your partner responds with masculine energy.
Arguments never work, and the best way to handle such a situation would be too lean back and not give the other person more opportunity to add fuel to the fire.
Instead, use statements such as, ‘I hear you’, ‘I understand’, ‘you might be right’, or ‘let me think about it’.
This way, your partner understands that you’re listening to what they have to say and create more opportunities for healthy conflict resolution.
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