Becoming a high value woman, like any other personal growth journey, starts from the mindset.
In fact, I think that the mindset shift is the most crucial step in your the journey of becoming a high value woman.
Surprisingly, most of women completely overlook this step and focus entirely mainly on the tactical strategies ( what to say and how to behave ) that often do not lend them the results that they really want.
Reality is that those strategies, if not combined with a real mindset shift, are not effective and will never work.
Being a high value woman is 90 % how you feel about yourself (which is predicted by your mindset) and only 10 % how you communicate it to the world through your behavior, your body language, how you treat yourself and so on.
It is how you feel about yourself which determines how you behave most of the time.
So when you are trying to follow tactics in order to come across as a high value woman without working on the actual belief of your high value, you can only do it for so long, maybe the time of a date, or a weekend getaway or even for a few months into the relationship…but sooner or later your real you (and how you really feel about yourself) will resurface when the unexpected happens.
This is the reason why I am not a big fan of dating advice that consists of give you a set of things to do or preconceived phrases to say or text messages to send without addressing the mindset issue first.
I find it also interesting that some dating coaches do actually give some mindset advice here and there, but do not put enough emphasize on it and do not treat it as the most important piece of the puzzle (and probably the missing piece to understanding why love and relationships are still a source of pain, suffering and disappointment for many single women trying to date a decent person, or women unhappily married or in a relationship).
If you are serious about becoming a high value woman, you need to develop the mindset that can produce on demand the text messages and phrases and the attitude of a high value woman.
Here are the 9 mindsets of the high value woman.
1. “I determine my value” mindset
This is so sooo important to understand.
If you want to become a high value woman, you need to realize that you should be the only person who determines your value.
a high value woman does not allow something or someone outside of herself to dictate her worth…not her family, not her friends, not her partner and not society.
People and your partner in particular, will always have different opinions about you, and that is okay, but this should not become the basis of your own value.
Most of the time, people’s opinions depend on their emotional state too, their insecurities and their ego…very rarely would you receive an unbiased opinion that is meant to help you grow…which is why I do not listen to random opinions, especially unsolicited ones.
You have probably heard stories of amazing women, who were and looked happy and fulfilled before getting with someone, only to lose all their spark and become so unhappy and ,miserable, Often it is because their partner planted the seeds of low value in their minds.
A high value woman separates herself and her worth from these external inputs.
2. High intention low attachment mindset
High intention low attachment is a different way of saying, “Do your absolute best to get what you want but have very low expectation about it”. And this is the secret attitude of a high value woman.
Yes, she shows and gives her best self, as if she was potentially dealing with the man of her life, yet she has very little attachment to the outcome of a relationship if she has not been given and shown reasons to get attached, even when she really likes the guy and when he ticks most of her boxes.
She thinks that if it does not work out with him, there are plenty others who would line up to be in a relationship with her ( and she believes it).
This mindset allow the high value woman to behave in a way that communicates her low attachment and shows confidence in herself, and men notice that.
It also allows her to see things for what they really are and avoid making poor decisions.
I learned this principle from the book “The Success Principles” by Jack Canfield. The book is not about relationships but its principles can be applied in any situation in life.
When you start expecting something to happen that depends on someone else, that’s when you lose power over yourself and you become low value.
How do you achieve this mindset:
- You need to remember that relationships (or any human interactions) are uncertain by nature, and that feelings need to be reciprocated in order to allow yourself to develop any sort of attachment. In other words, your attachment should be conditional. Not given for free.
- You should always have at the back of your mind that not all men you like will like you back…In fact it is a rare occurrence in life.
- You should expect everything from yourself and nothing from other people.
- Realizing that people come and go is part of life but you simply cannot afford to experience it as it is the end of the world each time someone leaves your life.
- You need to have full confidence in your ability to attract as many quality men as you want and that you always have options (abundance mindset, see point … below).
- Don’t fear a negative outcome of a relationship because you always assume it is your base scenario.
3. “No fear of rejection” mindset
If you have ever being rejected, you know how much it hurts, especially if it was by someone dear to you.
Let’s be honest, being rejected is never a pleasant experience. It really sucks.
The difference between a woman and a high value woman when it comes to rejection is their reaction to it.
A high value woman has accepted that rejection is part of the process. She even expects rejection but she completely separates her value from what someone else might think of her.
That is why she does not fear being rejected because her value does not depend on it.
Being rejected does not say anything about your value, it just means that this relationship never mean to be.
4. “Take it or leave it” mindset
Nobody is perfect. There is always room for improvement and a well lived life is a perpetual process of self-improvement if you ask me.
But sometimes even when you are doing your best, there will always be people who won’t be satisfied and will expect more from you.
The thing with a high value woman is that she was not waiting around for this man to come into her life and ask her to improve herself, She has that mindset anyway.
So when she comes across someone who is not happy or satisfied with the way she is, she has a “take it or leave it” attitude.
It is not by any means an arrogant attitude, it is simply a “knowing your worth attitude”.
A high value woman knows that she has a lot to offer, starting from herself, so she is not trying to convince anyone to see this value.
A man has to deserve to be in her life and one way he can show this to her is by recognizing her worth just the way she is.
If somebody is asking you right away to change something about yourself, it means you were not his first choice in the first place, and you do not want to be anyone’s second choice.
5. “I put myself first“ mindset
For a very long time, I believed that putting myself and my needs before others was selfish and bad.
I am not sure where this belief came from but I think it was because of my lack of self-love.
Now I believe that putting myself first and taking care of my needs before others is in fact necessary for me to give to others in a selfless manner.
Now let’s talk about how putting yourself first makes you a high value woman.
When you make yourself a priority in your own life, you are sending a clear message to the world that you are not looking to gain anyone’s love and validation by putting them before you.
Most of the time, people put others first not out of altruism, but out of desperation for love and validation from them. They think that if they do things for others they will love them and accept them.
Most of the time they don’t get true love and appreciation but they are instead taken advantage of and for granted.
A high value woman does not need external validation from anyone, so she makes it clear that she is the most important person in her own life by putting herself first and people choose to stay in her life knowing that…or leave.
6. “I am my primary source of security and happiness” mindset
High value woman sets herself as her primary source of security and happiness. She is self-assured, confident and content with herself.
She is in charge of her own happiness and does not rely on her partner to make her happy. She is happy first and shares her joy with her partner.
You will never see a high value woman demanding from others to make her happy and blaming them for her misery.
Because she puts herself first, she is always tuned with her needs and desires, and is able to fulfill them.
7. Quality vs Quantity mindset
A high value woman has an acute preference for quality over quantity. She values herself enough not to offer herself to just about anybody.
She won’t settle if her standards are not met even if she has to wait a very long time for that.
Few examples of people who waited until they found someone who recognized their value and worth and treated them the way they deserved: Amal Clooney, Meghan Markle and Priyanka Chopra.
Don’t let anyone convince you that you are too picky and that you should lower your standards because you may end up alone if not… yes you should have a realistic view of your worth and who you can attract, but your standards are what they are and you should not settle for less.
8. Abundance not scarcity mindset
A high value woman does not see the glass half empty, she always sees it half full. She believes there are enough men out there for her not to be panicking if it does not work out with one of them.
She believes in her ability to always attract good people into her life so she does not need to retain those who want to leave her life.
Here is a good read about the abundance mindset “Abundance Now: Amplify Your Life & Achieve Prosperity Today” by Lisa Nichols who has been a great inspiration of mine.
9. Complementarity not competition mindset
A high value woman is not looking to compete with a man, but rather to complement him.
When a woman tries to compete with her man, she is usually insecure and wants to prove something to herself, to him and to the world. Self assured women don’t need to prove anything. They are in the relationship to offer and work as a team.
If you are interested in the topic of high value woman, you might want to check out the traits of a high value woman and the rules that high value woman never violate in dating.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post.
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