Becoming a high value woman starts from having a high value mindset.
In fact, I would say that the mindset shift is the most crucial step in your journey to becoming a high value woman.
In was the case for me anyway, as I was only able to feel high value when I changed my mindset.
Surprisingly, most women completely overlook this step and focus entirely on the tactical strategies ( what you should say to a man, how you should behave, when you should talk and when you should not).
Unsurprisingly, these tactical strategies often do not lend them the promised results that they really want.
The reality is that those strategies, if not combined with a real mindset shift, cannot be effective and will never work.
Being a high value woman is 90 % of how you feel about yourself (which is predicted and determined by your mindset) and only 10 % of how you communicate it to the world through your actions, your body language, and how you treat yourself.
And it is how you feel about yourself which determines how you behave most of the time.
So when you are trying to follow tactics in order to come across as a high value woman without working on the actual mindset of your high value, you can only do it for so long,
…maybe the time of a date or a few dates, a weekend getaway, or even for a few months into a relationship,
but sooner or later, the real you (and how you really feel about yourself) will resurface when the unexpected happens.
This is the reason why I am not a big fan of dating advice that consists of giving you a set of things to do or preconceived phrases to say or text messages to send without addressing the mindset issue first.
I find it also interesting that some dating coaches do actually give some mindset advice here and there, but do not put enough emphasis on it.
They don’t treat it as the most important piece of the puzzle (and probably the missing piece to understanding why love and relationships are still a source of pain, suffering, and disappointment to many single women trying to find a decent person, or women unhappily married or in a relationship).
If you are serious about becoming a high value woman, you need to develop the mindset that can produce on demand the kind of text messages, phrases, body language, and the attitude of a high value woman.
With all that being said, let’s now get it started: here are the 9 mindsets of the high value woman.
1. “I determine my value” mindset
This is very important to understand.
If you want to become a high value woman, you need to become the only person who determines your own value.
A high value woman does not allow something or someone outside of herself to set and dictate her worth,
…not her family, nor her friends, nor her partner or even society.
A high value woman is absolutely immune to other people’s inputs when it comes to her value.
She realizes that people ( including her romantic partner), will always have different opinions about her.
Most of the time, these opinions depend on people’s emotional state too, their insecurities, and their ego and so are biased and unstable by nature.
That is why nobody’s opinion can become the basis of a high value woman’s value.
If you think about it deeply, you very rarely receive unbiased opinions and advice that are meant to help you grow and improve yourself.
You probably heard stories of amazing women, who looked happy and fulfilled before getting with someone, only to lose all their spark and joy and became so miserable being in a relationship.
Often it is because their partner planted the seeds of low value in their minds and they were receptive to it.
A high value woman will never allow this to happen.
She separates herself and her worth from any external inputs.
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2. High intention low attachment mindset
High intention low attachment means that you do your absolute best to get what you want but have very low expectations about it.
And this is the secret behind a high value woman’s success in love and life.
This mindset allows a high value woman to always show and give her best self as if she was potentially dealing with Mr. Right, yet she builds little to no expectations and has very little attachment to the outcome of a relationship.
She waits to be given solid reasons before she can allow herself any sort of attachment.
Even when she met someone who she really likes and he ticks most of her boxes.
She truly believes that if things don’t work out with him, there are many others who would line up to be in a relationship with her.
This mindset allows a high value woman to behave in a way that communicates her low attachment and shows confidence in herself, and that does not go unnoticed.
It also allows her to not let her emotions get in the way of seeing things for what they really are and avoid making poor decisions.
When you start expecting things to happen that depend on someone else, that’s when you lose power over yourself and you start making decisions that don’t serve your best interest.
How do you achieve this mindset?
- You need to remember that relationships (or any human interactions) are uncertain by nature and that feelings need to be reciprocated in order to allow yourself to develop any sort of attachment. In other words, your attachment should be conditional. Not given for free.
- You should always have at the back of your mind that not all men you like will like you back…In fact, it is a rare occurrence in life.
- You should expect everything from yourself and nothing from other people.
- Realizing that people come and go is part of life but you simply cannot afford to experience it as the end of the world each time someone leaves your life.
- You need to have full confidence in your ability to attract as many quality men as you want ( on demand) and that you always have options (abundance mindset, see the point … below).
- Don’t fear a negative outcome of a relationship because you always assume it is your base scenario.
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3. “No fear of rejection” mindset
If you have ever been rejected, you know how much it hurts, especially if it was by someone dear to you.
Let’s be honest, being rejected is never a pleasant experience.
It really sucks.
The difference between a woman and a high value woman when it comes to rejection is their reaction to it.
A high value woman has accepted that rejection is part of the process.
She even expects rejection but she completely separates her value from how someone else feels about her.
Perhaps she has been rejected a few times and she felt the pain and got over it.
That is why she does not fear being rejected because her value does not depend on it.
Being rejected does not say anything about your value, it just means that this relationship was not meant to be. and that is okay.
How do you achieve this mindset?
- First of all, you need to accept that rejection is part of life, that we are not meant to be liked by everybody and that it is nothing personal.
- Know that being rejected by a few does not mean you can only be accepted by worst than them, you can be rejected by a very average guy and be a high value man dream girl ( true story), and to be honest, I noticed a lot of the time that low value men tend to reject more ( I think this subject deserves a separate post which I will publish and link soon here).
- Next time you are rejected by someone, allow yourself to feel the pain of this rejection and process it, then remind yourself that what’s coming is much better ( just repeat it even if you don’t believe it and know that I am proof of that, I was rejected by a man who I believe today was very low value, only to meet real high value men later).
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4. “Take it or leave it” mindset
Nobody is perfect.
There is always room for improvement and well-lived life is a perpetual process of self-improvement if you ask me.
But sometimes even when you are doing your best, there will always be people who won’t be satisfied and will expect more from you.
The thing with a high value woman is that she was not waiting around for any man to come into her life and ask her to improve herself,
…She already has that mindset.
So when she comes across someone who is not happy or is dissatisfied with the way she is, she has a “take it or leave it” attitude.
It is not by any means an arrogant attitude, it simply means that she knows her worth as she is right now and will not sell herself short to anyone.
A high value woman knows that she has a lot to offer, starting from herself, so she is not trying to convince anyone to see her value.
A man has to deserve to be in her life and one way he can show this to her is by recognizing her worth just the way she is NOW.
That’s not to say that a man should not expect a woman to adjust or to compromise or even to improve certain things, but he should not be expecting changes on the essence of who she is.
If somebody is asking you right away to change something major about yourself, chances are you were not his first choice in the first place, and you do not want to be anyone’s second choice.
How do you develop this mindset?
- Simply by accepting yourself and where you are at in life entirely
- Detaching from having certain people in your life, certain people were just not meant to be there, so if they are making you feel uncomfortable about yourself in any way, you accept that they have no place in your existence
5. “I put myself first“ mindset
For a very long time, I believed that putting myself and my needs before others was selfish and bad.
I am not sure where this belief came from but I think it was because of my lack of self-love.
Now I believe that putting myself first and taking care of my needs before others is in fact necessary for me to give to others in a selfless manner.
How does putting yourself first make you a high value woman?
When you make yourself a priority in your own life, you are sending a clear message to the world that you love and value yourself and that is not looking to gain anyone’s love and validation.
Most of the time, people will put others first not out of generosity and altruism,
But more out of desperation for love and validation from them.
They prioritize others over themselves because they think, they will be loved and accepted in return.
What they end up receiving is not true love and appreciation.
They are instead taken advantage of.
But if they were not in need of love and acceptance from others, meaning from sources outside of themselves, they would not be inclined to put others before them.
I will cover further the sources of happiness and security in the next point.
A high value woman does not beg for love nor does she need external validation from anyone,
so she makes it clear that she is the most important person in her own life by putting herself first and people choose to stay in her life knowing that…or leave.
How do you develop this mindset?
- Look out for any patterns in your life, is it a theme in your life that you put others before you? when did it start? is it a learned behavior?
- Deconstruct this belief and replace it with a more empowering belief that you deserve to be put first…just because
- Remind yourself that if you don’t put yourself first, no one else will do it
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6. “I am my primary source of security and happiness” mindset
High value woman sets herself as her primary source of security and happiness.
She is a self-assured, confident woman and she is content with herself.
She is in charge of her own happiness and does not rely on her partner to make her happy.
She is happy first by herself and she strives to share her joy and happiness with the right partner.
You will never see a high value woman demanding from others to make her happy and blaming them for her misery.
Because she puts herself first( see my previous point), she is tuned with her needs and is able to fulfill them herself.
How do you develop this mindset?
by taking charge and responsibility for everything in your life, even for things you are not responsible for,
for example, it may not be your fault to lose your job when the economy is not doing well, but it is your responsibility to find a new one and to avoid jobs that are not too resilient in the future.
It may not be your fault that you feel bad while briefing for the loss of a loved one, but it is your responsibility if you want to feel better, no one else.
7. Quality vs Quantity mindset
A high value woman has an acute preference for quality men over quantity.
She values herself enough not to offer herself to just about anybody.
She won’t settle if her standards are not met even if she has to wait a very long time for that.
Few examples of people who waited until they found someone who recognized their value and worth and treated them the way they deserved: Amal Clooney, Meghan Markle, and Priyanka Chopra.
Don’t let anyone convince you that you are too picky and that you should lower your standards because you may end up alone if not,
…yes you should have a realistic view of your worth and who you can attract, but your standards are what they are and you should not settle for less.
You May also like 14 dating standards of a high value woman post.
How do you develop this mindset?
- Simply get over the fear of ending up alone, ending up alone is a myth for those who believe in themselves.
- Get all your needs met from your family, your friends, and your social life so that you don’t start looking out for any relationship to fulfill your needs.
8. Abundance, not scarcity mindset
A high value woman does not see the glass half empty, she always sees it half full.
She believes there are enough men out there for her not to be panicking if it does not work out with one of them.
She believes in her ability to always attract good people into her life so she does not need to retain those who want to leave her life.
9. Complementarity, not competition mindset
A high value woman is not looking to compete with a man, but rather to complement him.
When a woman tries to compete with her man, she is usually insecure and wants to prove something to herself, to him, and to the world.
Self-assured women don’t need to prove anything.
They are in the relationship to offer something and work as a team.
If you are interested in the topic of high value women, you might want to check out 8 traits of a high value woman and the rules that a high value woman never breaks in dating.
When you are ready, If you want to step up your dating and relationship game, if you want to learn how to become a high value woman men adore, check out this self help program.
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Thanks for reading this post,
DROPPING GEMZZZ that i have been asking myself what is the real meaning of high value besides the ACT. Thank you <3
Thanks Diana for your comment 🙂
Yes, yes, yes! Lately, I have been focusing on my MINDSET! It’s no use doing all these actions, when you haven’t organized your mindset. Literally an eye-opening post.
Thank you Aza for your comment!!! The mindset is the foundation of every transformation.
Outstanding article. Most of us women need to deeply contemplate and do this work. Kudos to you
Thank you so much Ashley…You made my day really…If you like this kind of post, go check out my 14 Dating Standards of The High Value Woman. It is in the same spirit.