In the era of fast consumption and right/left swipes, everyone is struggling to find true love, but highly successful women seem to have the hardest time finding love.
Why is that? Are they just particularly unlucky? Why is that that women who know how to get what they want professionally can’t get a man to commit to them.
This is what I am going to attempt to answer in this blog post:
I very much grew up nurtured by feminist values and so I always believed that women are entitled to the same level of success as men should they pursue it. Women of my generation (I am a millennial) were encouraged to get educated and have ambition, which is something that I am grateful for…I may not have become an engineer and I may not be the person I am today otherwise.
After graduating I pursued a career in the highly competitive investment industry and I was overall happy with what I have achieved professionally…but there is one thing I was not happy with…I could not get a relationship. I was surrounded by successful men (given the industry that I was in) and I did not struggle too much to get approached for a first date…but I never turned these dates into long term committed relationships.
I was not the only one, nearly all of my female classmates who had similar level of achievements and success had a very hard time getting with someone and we were all watching in total confusion these less successful girls being proposed to and getting married.
What were we doing wrong?
Simple answer: we were all approaching our love life in the same way we approached our careers, in a very masculine way.
You see, it takes a lot of toughness and competitiveness to succeed in higher education and in the workplace, so high achieving women developed and perfected a set of masculine skills to be able to survive and thrive in today’s world.
But what these women don’t know is that it takes a whole different set of skills to succeed in their love life and to be able to attract and keep a high value partner.
High value men are looking for feminine women who are easy going, nurturing, delicate, sweet and kind. They see their relationship as a sanctuary for peace, love, fun and lightness…so of course they cannot project themselves with a woman who sounds and act like a business partner.
This is why you see high value men being in relationships with women who are lower on the success scale, because these women got it. They understand the needs and wants of such a man and they serve him exactly that.
That is not to say they will exclude anyone who has these masculine traits. Men very much appreciate and even admire certain masculine traits in a woman, but there has to be a balance between masculinity and femininity.
Something which career driven women struggle to achieve, partly because they are unaware of it ( that was my case anyway), as their brain was conditioned to operate from a masculine standpoint in order to get results. And when they become aware of it (perhaps after years of failure relationships and hundreds of therapy sessions), they still can’t unlearn masculine behaviors or switch them off while they are with their partners.
Another problem that highly success women encounter in their love life is a lack of confidence. You might think that this is ironic because surely these powerful women don’t lack confidence…right?
Well I am not talking about masculine confidence that enables you to break through walls, to get things done, to pursue what you want. I am talking about feminine confidence that allows you to be calm and composed in the presence of any man without your mind racing with hundreds of questions. And at that moment, neither your cv nor your job or your achievements come to the rescue. In fact, that is when you realize that their socioeconomic status adds nothing to your attractiveness to a man.
Is there no hope for high achieving women?
highly successful women have the same chances of finding a quality partner as any other woman does if they follow very simple rules…but here is the thing, they need to understand that they do not have a higher chance because of their success.
Rule 1: understand what men want
There is an abundance of content on men’s psychology ( including in this blog) that women need to take advantage of. There are also self-help program proven to have helped many women which would spoon-feed all the relevant information to find and secure true love. My favorite program being His secret obsession by James Bauer. Check it out .
Rule 2: Lead with sweetness in their love life and reserve toughness to the workplace
Check out the post where I share my tips on how to be charming
Rule 3: Be feminine
Here is an excellent book on femininity if you want to learn about how to be femininely beautiful “The Lost Art of True Beauty: The Set-Apart Girl’s Guide to Feminine Grace” by Leslie Ludy
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