If you are decent looking girl who is fun and nice, you are probably attracting a fair amount of guys in general, be it through dating apps or in social gathering
…so I assume that you do not have a problem to attract any type of guy,
but if you are reading this article, chances are you are complaining that you are always attracting the wrong men.
I deeply thought about the topic as I experienced that myself and I know how frustrating and energy draining it can be.
The surprising truth is that the main reasons behind this sort of pattern are actually very simple
…they are just not very obvious, and even when you become aware of them it requires you to work to change it.
So let’s dig into it…
#1. You are letting the wrong men into your life
Let me explain what I mean by this
As I said, if you are a decent looking girl who has some things to her, you are probably attracting men…all sorts of men…
the real problem is that you are letting all sorts of them into your life, to become part of it.
Reality is that all women, even the high value women, attract all sorts of men, including the wrong men…
but the difference between you and women of high standards is that they learned how to spot the red flags quickly and don’t hesitate to cut these men off immediately.
It is that simple.
( If you want to learn more about how high value woman date, check out my post on the 10 dating rules high value women never violate. )
To the contrary, when you are dating a guy, you are not 100% focused on finding out about who he really is, not only on the surface but beneath it,
you are more busy with yourself trying to impress him and make him like you.
…you tend to idealize him and amplify his good traits in your mind and ignore the negative things about him.
…you tend to believe obvious lies and exaggerations…all this because you want it to work so badly.
That is because you are in need to fulfill a hole in your life and you think only a man can complete you.
- Finding regular common interests as a sign that he is the one and that you were meant to be together, when you probably share those interests with 70 % of potential mates.
- Seeing that he is a gentleman when he picks up the check on the first date, when probably 80% of the guys would pick up the check anyway, and it does not mean they are gentlemen. Everyone can manage to come across very nice on first few occasions, although there are some innocent things men do which can reveal who they really are, but this can only be spotted by women who are tuned to their senses.
- Accepting certain behaviors even when they make you feel uncomfortable or clearly conflict with your values.
#2. You are desperate and needy
When you are needy, you see everything around you through your neediness,
and this is what causes you to idealize a man, to ignore the red flags and the things you don’t like about him in early stages,
and you keep giving him chances until you completely ignore your internal voice that tells you he is not the right guy for you.
You become accustomed to him and his red flags.
Eventually some of the bad things you ignored resurface and you start complaining that you attracted the wrong guy once again.
If you were not needy and desperate, you would not have to trick yourself into seeing things which did not even exist and ignore what was really there.
You would have no issues leaving a relationship that is not a good match because you would know that there are many other guys who would die to be with you.
#3. You choose to ignore the red flags
This is a big one.
Women keep having the wrong relationships because they ignore all the red flags when they see them…red flags are sent to you so that you see them, and act upon it.
So when you see a red flag, please do yourself a favor and do not ignore it.
Know that things happen for a reason, that this red flag is only the tip of the iceberg,
and that this will be sooner or later followed by similar or even worse behavior.
#4. You do not have the confidence to let go of someone
When you don’t have enough confidence in yourself, even if you are in a bad/unhealthy relationship, with the wrong guy, you choose to stick with him.
You are then left with nothing but hope that things might change.
Why do you lack confidence?
Maybe you have a self-esteem issue
Maybe you fear to be alone
Maybe you fear the unknown future
Maybe you think you won’t be able to attract anyone after you let go of him ( I believed that 😀 hahhaha, so silly of me and I am the living proof that any woman can attract even better guys after she breaks up with someone who is not right for her )
I had all four issues at the same time, so I never made any move until my husband left me one day out of the blue.
And even after that, I was scared of being alone and scared of what the future might hold for me…
but because I did not have a choice ( the choice was made for me as he left me), I still had to deal with the it.
…and what I discovered was fascinating…The world is a vast and abundant place and that if you learn to be relaxed in those kind of moments, when everything around you is calling you to freak out, you will win and you will attract someone who is even better than your ex because you became better yourself.
Keep in mind that if you do not make the first move he might do it and leave you out of the blue, when he finds someone he views as better than you.
#5. You are not at the level of the kind of person you really want
And the last one but not the least, you might also be looking for someone perfect at some level but you are not perfect yourself.
You want him to be kind and gentle, but do you have those traits yourself?
You want him to be good looking and in a good shape but are you in a good shape yourself?
You want him to be honest but are you honest yourself?
The good news is you can work on that.
Where you are now is not a fatality…and this is why I always say to my female friends to focus on themselves first and be the kind of person they wish to be in a relationship with.
Do the inner work first on yourself ( check out my post on the mindsets of high value woman) and you will see that attracting the right guys becomes a fatality
A final note
The first step to take is to stop letting all sorts of people into your life, you can give them a chance and go on one date and make a decision
…do not let it go on for months and months. And while you are dating, be tuned into your senses,
so that you are able to recognize the red flags when you see them and act upon it.
Work on your confidence and worthiness to be able to let go of the wrong men
…not being able to let them go is a manifestation of your lack of self love
…and finally, if you want a certain type of men in your life, work your way up to become the person that they want to be with.
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