If you are decent looking girl who is fun and nice to be around, you are probably attracting a fair amount of guys in general, be it through dating apps, your social life or even work…
so I assume that you do not have a problem to attract any type of guy, but if you are reading this article, chances are you are complaining that you are always attracting the wrong men.
I deeply thought about this as I suffered from it myself and I know how frustrating and energy draining it can be.
This article is from the perspective of dating or being in a relationship with the wrong person. Everyone of us would have a different definition of what might make someone wrong for us, but the common thing about being with the wrong person is a deep sens of unhappiness and absence of fulfillment.
So if this is how you are feeling right now…this post is for you. Let’s dig into it…
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#1. You are letting the wrong men into your life
Let me explain what I mean by this
As I said, if you are a decently looking, you are probably attracting men…all sorts of men…
The real problem is that you are letting all sorts of men into your life, to become part of it. You don’t filter out who you give a chance to.
Reality is that all women, even the high value women, attract all sorts of men, including the wrong men…but the difference between you and women of high standards is that they learned how to spot the red flags very quickly and see right through the BS and don’t hesitate to cut these men off immediately. It is that simple.
(If you want to learn more about how high value woman date, check out my post on the 10 dating rules high value women never violate. )
But when you ( or even me not so long ago) are dating a guy, you are not focused on finding out about who he really is, not only on the surface but beneath it,
you are more focused on trying to impress him and make him like you.
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…you tend to easily idealize a guy and amplify his good traits in your mind and ignore the negative things about him, as if you almost don’t want to see what is wrong with him…you tend to believe obvious lies and exaggerations…all this because you want it to work so badly.
From experience, what you are doing is you really trying to fulfill a hole in your life because you think only a man can complete you.
- Finding regular common interests as a sign that he is the one and that you were meant to be together, when you probably share those interests with 70 % of potential mates.
- Seeing that he is a gentleman when he picks up the check on the first date, when probably 80% of the guys would pick up the check anyway, and it does not mean they are gentlemen. Everyone can manage to come across very nice in the early days, on first few occasions, although there are some innocent things people can do which reveal who they really are and what they are about, but this can only be spotted by women who are tuned to their senses and are looking for these innocent yet revealing signs.
- Accepting certain behaviors even when they make you feel uncomfortable or clearly conflict with your values.
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#2. You are desperate and needy
When you are needy, you see everything around you through your neediness, and this is what causes you to idealize a man, to ignore the red flags and the things you don’t like about him in the early stages of dating or a relationship,
So you keep giving him yet another chance until you completely ignore your internal voice that tells you he is not the right for you and eventually become accustomed to him and his red flags.
Eventually some of the bad things you ignored resurface and you start complaining that you attracted the wrong guy once again.
If you were not needy and desperate, you would not have to trick yourself into seeing things which did not even exist and ignore what was really there.
You would have no issues leaving a relationship that is not a good match because you would know that there are many other guys who would die to be with you.
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#3. You Choose To Ignore Red Flags
Women keep having the wrong relationships because they choose to ignore all the red flags when they see them…red flags are sent to you so that you see them, and act upon what you see.
So when you see a red flag, please do yourself a favor and do not ignore it.
Know that things happen for a reason, that this red flag is only the tip of the iceberg, and that this will be sooner or later followed by similar or even worse behavior.
#4. You Don’t Have The Confidence To Let Go Of Someone
When you don’t have enough confidence in yourself, even if you are in a bad and toxic relationship with the wrong guy you choose to stick with him.
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You are then left with nothing but hope that things will change.
Why do you lack confidence?
Maybe you have a self-esteem issue
Maybe you fear to be alone
Maybe you fear the unknown future
Maybe you think you won’t be able to attract anyone after you let go of him ( I believed that 😀 hahhaha, so silly of me and I am the living proof that any woman can attract even better guys after she breaks up with someone who is not right for her )
I had all four issues at the same time, so I never made any move until my husband left me one day out of the blue.
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And even after that, I was scared of being alone and scared of what the future might hold for me…
but because I did not have a choice ( the choice was made for me as he left me), I still had to deal with the it.
…and this is when I realized that the world is a vast and abundant place and that if you learn to relax in those kind of moments, when everything around you is calling you to freak out, you will win and you will attract someone who is even better than your ex because you became better yourself.
Keep in mind that if you do not make the first move he might do it and leave you out of the blue, when he finds someone he views as better than you.
#5. What You Are Looking For Is Out Of Your League
You might also be looking for someone perfect at some level but you are not perfect yourself.
You want him to be kind and caring, but do you have those traits yourself?
You want him to be good looking and in a good shape but are you in a good shape yourself?
You want him to be honest but are you honest yourself?
You want him to have his life together but do you?
Likes attract Likes. It may be hard to admit but you may have the same issues as these wrong guys and you need to fix them first before you can attract someone better.
The good news is you can work on that.
Where you are now is not a fatality…and this is why I always say to my female friends to focus on themselves first and be the kind of person they wish to be in a relationship with.
Do the inner work first on yourself ( check out my post on the mindsets of high value woman) and you will see that attracting the right guys becomes easier.
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A final note
The first step to take is to stop letting all sorts of people into your life, you can give them a chance and go on one or two date and make a decision
…do not let it go on for months and months. And while you are dating, be tuned into your senses,
so that you are able to recognize the red flags when you see them and act upon it.
Work on your confidence and worthiness to be able to let go of the wrong men
…not being able to let them go is a manifestation of your lack of self love and self confidence
…and finally, if you want a certain type of men in your life, work your way up to become the person that they want to be with.
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if you want to implement this faster and become a high value woman that men are crazy about, you can check out the self-help program His Secret Obsession.
This program will show you how to transform yourself by understanding the dynamics of relationships and inter sexual relationships.
It will take you deep into a man’s mind and psychology and will demystify what men really want and need for you.
You will be better equipped after the program to create the a loving and secure relationship whether you are currently single trying to date men or already in a relationship.. Check it out here.
Thanks for reading this post,